Blink

I open my eyes to the smell of the wet cement floor.Everything seems so dark and blurry, I can bearly see. My eyes are swollen and from the way my face feels, I'm thankful there's no mirror around. I don't know the day or the time but I've woken up like this so many times now. I'm hungry and thirsty. I don't know the last time I had a real meal.

"Think happy thoughts!!" I remind myself.And so I do. I think about the time I found my first bible study. The way her face lit up when she heard the truth. ..."How is she now?" I wonder. I think about the Kingdom Hall full of kids laughter, everybody's troubles put aside.I rememeber the tears of joy I shed when my lil bro became an MS or when my lil sis got baptized....How I miss those days..

The pain in my stomach is getting worse now. My whole body is throbbing in pain. I have to think of some other way to keep my self busy. "I know, I'll sing Kingdom songs!" ......'our reasons for joy are abounding....'...I try but my voice comes out in squeaks. I'm too weak to even sing. "Nevermind! I'll sing in my head then..."....'Jehovah is my father my God and friend..' ...Jehovah God my strength renew.....'....lalalalalala.....time passes....I can't remember anymore. How I wish I memorized more songs. Tears are pouring down my face.

I hear the door open and someone pull me to my feet. I can't make out a face.I hear something like.."this is your last chance..." I'm led on a famiilar path, i know where I'm going. I've been there countless times."Please help me endure this again" I pray.....in my mind i start singing again...'he'll guide you and protect you as he has all along, yes he will make you firm, and he will make you strong..'. ..I'm much calmer now...

I'm forced inside, I loose my balance and fall to the floor. The big man is talking now, he goes on asking:"Where do they live....what are their names...." I'm too weak to try and explain my stand again so I stay motionless on the floor...His approaching me now,voice raising:" ANSWER ME OR I'LL....." His fist or maybe the palm of his hand nearing..Then blackout.

I open my eyes to the sight of a many boots.NOthing seems familiar this time "Where am I??".Maybe they've decided to let me go!Positive, always positive. When they see me move, one pair of boots approaches and pulls me to my feet.He's trying to tell me somthing but I can only stare at his lips...'who will save you now?'...is all I can seem to get.

I'm led outdoors, the sun is too bright and i try to shield my eyes.I see a familiar figure.no two figures...Is it really them???They seem to be waiting for me. I wish I could run and embrace them but i can't.our hearts are embracing.. we just smile.a lonely tear falls accross my cheek...I join their line and we are made to face the wall.

Loud voices, guns loading."READY"!! I look to my right, then to my left..and close my eyes.. "FIRE!" Blackout

I open my eyes to the smell of fresh grass. "this is new, I think".. Smiling people surround me and ask for my name. When I tell them, they lead me by the hand down the hill.. when my eyes adjust to the light, i can finally see my surroundings.

GREEN, everything is just so green.NOw I understand. I stop in my tracks, my legs give way and I'm on my knees. Tears are flowing down my face, my lips are quivering but I can't talk..The people around me are crying too.My heart overflows with praise and thanks to Jehovah .

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE IT!! IT WAS ALL OVER IN A BLINK OF AN EYE..

(setting-during the great tribulation)

DEAR DIARY

It's a rainy Friday night. I'm alone but can't seem to take the smile away from my face. Just a few days ago, I thought I was the loneliest girl in the world. I had just so much emptiness in me I wanted to go to the terminal and get the first bus ride. The only thing I could think about was what now? How am I to live without the person I spent so much time with? Who will be my preaching partner?...

Then my every ready self defense system went into action. I prayed and made up my mind to keep all kinds of negative thoughts out! I declared that day the last of my emotional ones. I made arrangements to preach every single day this week and I did!!

There is so much 'loosing' someone can teach you.For one, that there are really a lot of friends that you have around you who can help you so you really are never alone. That sometimes it takes such a 'loss' to help you appreciate what you have and the people around you.That you can emerge a better person from such an experience.That maybe this loss was 'good' in a way and made me do things I never did before. And most of all, nothing can compare to the power of PRAYER.

I hereby declare myself a new person. I will stay positive no matter what. I will treasure the people I have around me. I will keep busy in the never to be repeated work. I will learn to wait for the right person at the right time. I will remember that in Jehovah's organization, there is really nothing like 'goodbye'. Above all, I will make JH my best friend.He will always be there..