YoU Don'T KNow

You keep trying to show that I'm special and I just keep waiting for you to get bored and walk away. YOU DON'T KNOW how many times I've been the one left behind. How my past keeps hindering me from trusting again.

You try to be sweet and show you care and I just brush you off, acting like I'm deaf. YOU DON'T KNOW that you put a smile on my face but I'm too scared to show it. That I've done all that sweet stuff before and just got broken.

You keep telling people you like me but I just keep convincing myself your attention won't stay. YOU DON'T KNOW that I've built a wall around my heart, that I've become so numb that I don't believe things that easy any more.

You act so interested in me and my life but I act like it's normal and treat you like I do any one else. YOU DON'T KNOW that I've gotten too close before and It only ended in tears.

You seem to know just what to say and when to say it but I assume it's coincidence. YOU DON'T KNOW that nobody has ever really been there for me. That I don't want to admit that you've found your way into my life.

I don't know if you should know all this. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE ITS THIS INNOCENCE OF YOURS THAT MY HEART NEEDS TO OPEN UP AGAIN..

Goodbye to you

Everyone's been making a big fuss about the song I sang last Sunday "Goodbye to you" by Michelle Branch. I admit there really was a double meaning to it but didn't realize it was so obvious!lol Got me wondering why exactly I chose that song anyway...

The obvious reason is that I can relate to the lyrics. Yes, this is GOODBYE for good. There will be no more 'what if's' from now on. No more denied expectation. It's totally over now.

I always believed it was over a long time ago. That I had 'recovered' and I really had. But I guess it wasn't very convincing. Somehow, whether I realize it or not, something deep within me was waiting for him to 'come to his senses' and 'come back'. No matter what he had done in the past, I guess there still was a huge chance that I'd accept him.LOL

BUT NOT ANYMORE. After this, there is nothing that can be done. He will have to live with the consequences of his actions and I will have to stop my wishful thinking for good. For sure, there is no way I would ever accept him now and I know there is no way he'd even try.

Not that I'm having any regrets. In fact, as time goes on, I keep on proving to myself how right the decisions I made were. Not that I'm happy with His situation but It just helps to finally realize that I'm not so stupid after all. I actually did the right thing and He isn't the one for me!


SO there it is: "GOODBYE TO YOU, GOODBYE TO EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW..YOU WERE THE ONE I LOVED, THE ONLY ONE I TRIED TO HOLD ON TO.............."