Learning To Trust

There are many things I've learned in life. But it seems on the process of learning these things, I've also UNLEARNED some things as well. One of these is how to TRUST. I just can't seem to bring myself to believing that not Everybody out there is bent on 'hurting' me. Not everybody is 'pretending'. That some people really are SINCERE and deserve to be trusted.

What has made me this way? My heart is like walled up with all kinds of high security-it wont let anything in anyhow. My mind has become overly protective of my heart.Whatever actions it sees,no matter how 'touched' my heart may be, my mind doesn't allow it. Like saying "don't be fooled..don't feel anything..you remember the pain, you don't want to go there again.."

What's the solution? My mind must be convinced that this person can be trusted. I must have no doubts whatsoever before I decide to trust. The problem is this is quite impossible. It always has to be a gamble. You always Have to be willing to loose.


I dunno, i really dunno what do do about this trust problem. I'm trying, really trying to TRUST but I'm not there yet. No matter how many reasons I already should have for trusting. No matter what people say-I can't force myself to TRUST YET.....

I must try and convince my mind to lower it's self defense. I must try and allow my heart to feel...I MUST LEARN TO TRUST!!

Because if I can't trust, How can I love??

Loss

We all know we're living in the last days. We know tragedy is part of these times. We know we aren't exempted from sickness and death. But the fact is, this 'knowing' doesn't mean we are READY for whatever unforeseen occurance that may befall us. It's not a matter of being 'strong' or being 'mature' but simply being human.

I just can't seem to get over the sad news of the passing away of a friends' father. I was ill when my bro told me and all I could do was hide under the sheets and let the tears fall. All I could think about was how I would feel if ever that happened: The pain, disbelief and shock just dawned on me.

Fathers and daughters share a special bond nobody may ever understand. The truth is I still don't know how I would react if ever anything happened to my father. These tragedies aren't things you can be ready yourself for. They just happen without warning. There is no PLANNING for them coz they come at a time we least expect.

If there is anything positive tragedy can teach us it's that the new world is at hand! The more trials we face, the closer we are to our eternal relief. Still, being able to live without someone we hold so dear to us in these hard times may be a very big challenge. This feeling of loss is something we may empathize with but never really understand until we face a similar loss.

There is no planning for these situations. Nobody wants to keep 'negative thoughts ' of loosing people they love in their minds. But the lesson I keep teaching myself is that we can PREPARE ourselves for whatever losses befall us in this world.

We CAN use each day to bring praise to Jehovah. We CAN draw closer to our heavenly father. We CAN build our faith. We CAN keep busy in the Lord's work. We CAN show we are keenly waiting on Jehovah.

This way, if WE loose OUR lives unexpectedly in this world, we will have 'Stored up treasures' in the heavens and made ourselves 'rich toward God'. We will be safe in Jehovah's memory.

And if we suffer the LOSS of a loved one, we will have stored enough strength, built enough faith and developed a close relationship with Jah that WE WILL BE ABLE TO ENDURE...

After all, what's 70 or 80 years of suffering when compared to EVERLASTING HAPPINESS??NOTHING....

For now, I'll just keep telling myself:..."just a little while longer...just a little while longer....just a little while longer..."