Those who care

I'm going to call this the ultimate 'mahay' post. Because that's just what it is...me or should I say 'us' (with a few friends involved) 'hurt' in a way at people's 'lack of concern' should I say..

In times like those , you find that the most 'unexpected' turn out to be the ones who 'show they care' and ask you how you are. Those who were miles and miles away, even in other countries had the time to ask about us...Yes, prayers were a big help but at such a time, we all really needed comfort and 'sadly' should I say, not many were REALLY there even those who could've been and we 'expected' to were nowhere to be seen.

We kept on thinking: "Since they didn't even bother to text, how about if we had died ? Would they even know?" It's not like we're 'soliciting comfort' but c'mon!! It was all over the News, international, local-everywhere. The simple fact that we live in the city should have been enough to get them even a little concerned. Couldn't they spare a second of their time just to make sure we were ok?

Then we argue: they must have heard from others that we're ok so they didn't bother. hmm...not very nice. Whatever happened to 'personal interest'?

And even if we said 'we're Ok', couldn't they read between the lines and imagine what we were going through? It somewhat 'hurt' to see 'friend's' act like nothing had happened and go about their lives not even bothering to ask if we're alive.

Maybe we're overacting? Are we? I mean, it was the main headline for the entire week! I just can't seem to believe that someone couldn't care enough to ask about not only ME but the other brothers...

Anyway, gladly, we were too busy to realize it then and now that we have-it's too late....maybe they were just too busy to care..maybe, they did care but didn't show it...maybe they had their reasons....bottom line-NAGMAHAY MI...T.T

Lessons

Sorry guyz but it seems for quite some time, all my posts will be about the flood. The trauma, stress, and everything in between has taught me a lot of lessons. They may not be new but they are proven personally.I just have to let it all out...

1. Live simply. Everything...literally EVERYTHING-cars, furniture, fancy TV sets, expensive clothes, gadgets was useless and ended up as junk after the flood. The less you have, the less you have to lose. Not to mention the easier the cleaning job afterward. If I ever have a house in this world- I'll only have one set of plates and cups (I'll get paper plates for parties) and minimal furniture. Accumulating wealth is just NOT WORTH IT. All your years of work and saving gone in a single night.

2. Don't look back. Many of those who lost their lives had already left but returned for some reason. Some to make sure the house was locked, others to get some valuable they forgot. When disaster strikes, forget about everything else and just escape with whatever you have on. No life is worth whatever valuables that were saved.

3. Listen and Obey. Sadly, the story of the 3 witnesses who lost their lives goes that they were warned many times, even visited by brothers to tell them to leave but they failed to heed their warning. Before they knew it, the water was too high and they had no way out. They were found inside their house-dead.

4. Pray and Pray. It's amazing how all the brothers who survived said that they didn't cry, they just PRAYED and PRAYED. That's what gave them a calm mind to think of a way out-that's what saved their lives. While others were panicking, they were praying. Some stories are 'unbelievable'. You'd never think of doing such things but they did simply because they prayed.:)

5. Jehovah provides abundantly. Many of the brothers who survived escaped only with their lives. No house, NOTHING. In the beginning, we were wondering how we could take care of all these brothers. We'd already used whatever funds we had and provided for a day or so but what then? Jehovah's hand is not short, in fact this is an understatement.





When relief goods started pouring in, there were times we thought it was the last truck, container van but brothers just kept on sending! Up to now, we have no idea what to do with the clothes that arrived-all the brothers have already probably changed their wardrobe and we still have tons of clothes! Rice? Maybe 20 sacks or more...noodles and cans? Boxes and boxes..the relief center couldn't take all the goods-we now have a '2nd center'!

5. Love abounds. We are not the only organization that had relief operations. In fact, almost everyone I know in the city was involved in some sort of relief. The only thing that sets us apart is LOVE. We take the food, water, clothing to the brothers homes while they pass it out on the streets. We wade in knee deep mud just to help cleaning their houses while they shake their heads and take pictures. These are things only Jehovah's organization does. Brothers had tears in their eyes whenever the goods were delivered- Jehovah was providing for them daily. Neighbors looked on and admired the love ONLY we show.

6.The end is near. In the public talk last week, Jesus words in Luke 21:31 was emphasized. "When you SEE these things ...KNOW the kingdom of God is NEAR". I've heard it on the news, seen it on TV, read it in the paper but actually SEEING it is some kind of a 'jolt'. The end is indeed extremely near. It's nearer than we think. Meaning? Personally, I realized there is really no time to 'worry' about things like love, marriage etc. Whatever happens, happens and weather we are ready for it or not, events are in motion leading to the end of this world.

7. What really matters. This was emphasized in the funeral talk of the 2 SP's. The speaker said that they had 'built a good name with Jehovah' and were 'safe in HIs memory'. How about me? Can I safely say that If I die I will be 'safe in Jehovah's memory'? Well, it's double time in building that name for me now:)

8.Power beyond normal. There is definitely no way any of us could have done what we did without extraordinary strength. At times I wondered if I would be able to wake up to another day of relief operations, I felt my body 'giving up'. I wondered how our brothers could still have the strength to do their talks and conduct the meetings. But amazingly, all of us stayed fit enough to continue, all of us somehow had strength for the day.We just joked that 'we were running on the power of the Holy spirit' because our physical bodies were overworked and there is nothing else that could have kept us going for so long.


Well, nobody should have to experience what we did to realize these lessons. If there's a good side to being able to, it would be drawing closer to Jehovah and his organization, realizing how crucial our times are and how close we are to eternal relief=)

..words fail me..

Where to start? I've lost my sense of time since that day. But I'll try and put this together as chronologically as I can. Friday night it happened but the horrors started Saturday morning. I was still half asleep when Kuya Dex called from the gate..."Emz, there's been a tragedy. People are dead, lots missing and I can't contact some of our brothers...ASAP go to the Kingdom Hall and wait for instructions". No time to think about breakfast and off to the KH I went. That's where I heard all sorts of stories. That's when we all turned into Zombies-no time to eat, no time to think, no time to feel.

Finally our ride came and we jumped at the back of the pickup off to our sisters place. Any words that we had just weren't enough to describe what we saw. Everyone on the street covered in mud. Barefoot with expressionless faces. Some with bloody wounds, cuts and bruises. Some crying looking for their loved ones. Men, women, rich, poor, foreigners, animals- whatever barriers existed where broken-disaster creates such equality. The entire city in shock. No smiles, no talking just silence and tears.

When we arrived at the 'affected area' where our sister lived, we were preparing for the worst. Maybe we'd find them all safe..I prayed that they were. Their house was among the first to be hit since it was relatively close to the river. The houses quite far were devastated- I couldn't imagine how theirs was.Then was the stench. Dead animals everywhere-a pile of pigs here..a pile of dogs there, a horse stuck by a pole. Not to mention the two corpses pulled out of the river while we were there. People sitting outside what used to be their home clearly not knowing what to do, where to start.

Gladly, she and her family were safe-covered in mud, in a state of shock but safe. They somehow made their way to the rooftop during the night. But the house...




TV, internet-the media in general can portray facts and live footage but they can't portray feelings. I do shed tears when I read some sad, tragic story or watch it on TV but the emotions I felt then were too much for tears. None of us cried. I'm sure we wanted to but we couldn't. There was just so much to be done, others where homeless, had lost loved ones-crying wouldn't help. Our bodies just switched to zombie mode-work, work, work-do what has to be done...eating when we were reminded to.

People asked me how I was doing and I just answered "I'm OK". I was not OK but I didn't know what I was or how I felt and 'OK' seemed to satisfy them anyway. The truth is my heart literally ached (not Over acting here), I couldn't relate any story without breaking down in tears, I choked, holding tears back whenever I heard survival stories. I was barely holding myself together-we all were.

Everywhere you go, that's all you hear-how people watched their neighbors disappear with the current, how a mother accidentally let go of her child and watched her cry 'mamaaaa' as the waters took her, how families were separated and still couldn't find each other. In jeepneys, everyone just stared at nothing, absorbed in their own thoughts.

At meetings, brothers had to pause, silently sobbing when they prayed. Songs were sung 'softly' everyone trying their best not to cry but tears still run down our faces. Nobody was prepared and few hands went up. Everyone was trying to absorb the material and comfort themselves. It was just too overwhelming-even in the positive sense. Witnessing how Jehovah's organization responds in such situations and how Jehovah really takes care of His people is more than words can describe.

Sleep came hard. I'd lie awake at night exhausted but scared to fall asleep and have to wake up in waist deep water. I'd keep on thinking how I'd get to the roof if ever it happened. I'd be replaying in my mind all the stories I'd heard and putting myself in their shoes. Would I have survived? Was I 'ready' to die? Would Jehovah remember me if I did? Could I live with such horrors in my mind?

Days passed fast. I can't really remember what happened from Monday to Friday. But I do remember the Comfort talks where on Tuesday. Supposedly for those 'directly affected' by the flood but we all needed comfort and how many dry eyes there were afterward-probably none. It's like everyone wished they could stay and just be with Jehovah's people so they did stay up to really late. It felt like a mini assembly during the thousand year reign, just after Armageddon.

I sometimes wish people really understood how it feels to be in such a situation but at the same time I'm glad they don't.

Is this normal?

'I wish I could have a NORMAL life!'. I've found myself thinking that a lot. For some reason, I feel like this is not how a 'normal' girl my age should live. That my life is far off from being normal. After much speculation, I realized this:

What exactly does 'normal' mean? Should I be away from home at the peak of my career with my own house? Or should I be married and starting to raise a family? Or maybe a spoiled daughter who doesn't have to worry about working, who can get whatever she wants without any sacrifice? Can these be considered 'normal' situations?

True, I may have experienced things that not many people that age have but it's not like I'm the only one in the world who has. And true, many others are in totally different situations but many others are in my shoes as well.

I have concluded that my life is normal after all. I am what I am and where I am by choice-that makes me normal. That 'normal' simply means what your life is at present. Unless you have some disability or chronic disease that hinders/prevents you from doing things others could if they wanted to-YOU ARE NORMAL. As long as you have the choice to change your circumstance whenever you like-YOU ARE NORMAL.

So if I end up away from home, with a family or whatever other scenario you can think of, then that would be normal as well. :)

24

There is much one can learn in 24 years on this planet. It may be in the friendship area, lovey dovy part of life or some other aspect. I think most of the lessons we learn though have to do with family life. For 24 years I’ve stayed with my family and have observed a lot of things that I will now put into writing. I don’t know if they are true in the absolute sense but they are simply my vision of what goes on in the mind of a married man and woman. (char!)

When a man gets home exhausted from a day at work, all he WANTS is a ‘hello kiss’ with a ‘how was your day’ follow up. This is HIS time. You are now to make him comfortable, get him relaxed, get his stomach filled and listen. You can share your day later. IT is NOT the time to remind him about all the bills and whatever is on your mind…that can and should wait. He needs some quite time.

When a man wants to spend time with ‘the boys’, it doesn’t mean he’s ‘irresponsible’ or ‘less of a family man’. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t like your company. It is just him being a MAN. In as much as he loves you and all, he must spend time with the boys. This is what makes him a man. This is what keeps him SANE. It is your job to find something to do and let him and his boys enjoy the bottle.

When a woman asks which dress to wear, she knows you really don’t mind. She’s only asking because she values YOUR opinion. If you really don’t have any ‘sense of fashion’ just pick whichever she seems to like. It’ll make her feel like she’s dressing up for you. But YOU MUST PICK!

When a man is in a bad mood, SILENCE is the best policy especially when it has something to do with you. You must give him time to cool down. He isn’t a woman who loves to talk about feelings.

When a woman is in a bad mood because of something you said or did, it usually isn’t really about that. IT’s all about how what you said or did made her FEEL. Women are all about feelings. You don’t have to apologize for whatever it is you did or said if you were right but you CAN and SHOULD apologize for how it made her feel.

When a man tells you you’re cooking sucked, he is just being HONEST. There is no need to be dramatic and give him the silent treatment. He didn’t mean to deride you; he was simply speaking his mind. This is the part where you ask what’s wrong and promise to do better in the future. No justifications.

When you’re talking and your man says he’s ‘tired, he means he wants you to SHUT UP and give him a back rub. Women’s blabbering can get on men’s nerves. It’s not that he’s not interested in what you have to say, it’s just more of a ‘not now’ cue.

When a woman corrects you about the way you leave your shoes in the wrong place or don’t close the shampoo cap, they don’t mean to nag. They are simply trying to keep the place neat so don’t take it too personal. Just be a good boy and put your stuff wherever she wants it put and apologize while your at it.

When a woman gets moody beyond the normal, blame the period. A woman is entitled to be a nagger, emotional wreck and get on your nerves at least once a month. Everything done or said here is not counted. And you, the man should simply let it pass.

I could go on and on but I’ll leave it at this….Nobody can have a perfect marriage in an imperfect world. So will these observations be of any use then? You’ve got to start somewhere right? So I’m starting with head knowledge. ..I’ll see where to go from there...

Girl Break

I love my girls. They're fun, enthusiastic, spiritual minded, fun..fun..fun..But it seems I always have to get some break from them. Well, we spend practically the whole weekend together from preaching to lunch to extras afterward but it sometimes gets..how to put it-'annoying'/'irritating'? Not in the super negative way just in the 'i need a break kind of way'.

Sometimes they come up with the 'silliest' jokes that even I-a fellow girl can't get. It's a Sunday lunch break moment, when I get out of the Kh, they're laughing like crazy. And i mean literally CRAZY! When they explain why, I can barely fake a smile. It just seemed to be one of the 'silliest' things to laugh about. And it seemed that I was the only girl around who thought so..Until the guyz came out and we just looked at each other in amazement..

It was like being with another species!And i'm thinking 'if i'm a girl, aren't i supposed to be on that side of the planet laughing like crazy as well?' But I just couldn't- there was simply nothing 'funny' about it...Gladly, the guys thought so too so I temporarily 'changed gender' here.

Then during the after preaching moments, we're watching a Russel Peters show which is a huge LOL,and viola- only two of us girls stayed..and i was seriously laughing my heart out.. The others simply couldn't get it and walked out..Now what's with that?? Am I on the 'wrong side' again?

I dunno, I really dunno. I love my girls, but there are times when one needs a 'break' that only guys can give.

Girls (I don't know if this is too much of a generalization though) can be kinda crazy sometimes while guys always seem to be able keep their heads together..Girls know how to have fun but sometimes their fun isn't funny at all..

Well, I'm just glad to be able to enjoy the BEST OF BOTH WORLDS..^-^

The MAN in ME

There is something that I keep proving to myself over and over again. Along with this verification comes the question-'why'? 'why am i like this'? and 'is it a good thing'? Here's a scenario that happens all too often with me:

Me got guy friends right, not close but let's just say 'acquaintances' like the 'hi, hello' kind. Probably only know their names then for some reason, I still can't understand, they suddenly decide to 'open up' to me. Out of the blue they spill all the beans on their lives (not like I even asked). Usually, it happens when they've got some problem (usually GIRLS-GF's etc). I'm like 'hi..' (end of conversation) then they suddenly go 'emz..me and my GF..blah blah blah..'. And I'm like 'ok2x..did i ask? do i even know you?' Off course I don't say that but i definitely think it..

Somehow, guys tend to view me as some huge button that you push and talk to whenever the going gets tough. When it's over, you simply push it again...(Is that a compliment I wonder?)

Now the sad/weird thing here is that I just become the 'thing they push and talk into'. Ok, I'm a lot more interactive than that but what I'm saying is that it's ALL ABOUT THEM....and I have to listen(I'm emphatic..)At the end of the day, i could write a ten page bibliography about them while they probably wouldn't be able to do a paragraph about me.

I'm not talking about a single incident here, this is like 'part of my life'. It happened in high school, it happened with my workmate, it happened with someone I just 'officially' met...and it's gonna keep on happening...

My question is 'why'? what exactly do guys see in me that just makes them want to tell me everything? Even without asking!!

I guess they see the 'man in me'. Talking to their guy friends bout stuff could get kinda 'gay' i guess so where else do they turn to? Obviously to me-someone they don't really know, don't necessarily like but someone who's there..(make any sense?)To them it does...

I'm thinking it's neither a good thing nor a bad thing. I've learned to detach myself from emotion in these cases and just sincerely listen (that's usually all they need). When it's over, we go back to our 'hi' 'hello' relationship-no problem.


Well, maybe I could become a 'man psychiatrist'someday-their brains are far less complicated than a woman's..but for now, I'll just wait for the next 'patient' to come along..*_*

Wise Vs Indecisive

I’ve been staying up a lot lately and one of things that has busied my mind is: “Am I indecisive?” Yes, I do like to do a lot of self-examination and this is my latest issue. Why does it seem that I’m so into ‘something/someone’ this minute (a couple of months) then I’m totally over it/them and into something else in a snap? Isn’t that what being indecisive means?

Well, after a lot of tossing and turning I have realized that there is a huge difference between being or trying to be ‘wise’ and being ‘indecisive’. The latter would make a decision hastily then come to his senses and try to undo it or find a way out. I don’t think I could be considered this way at all! In fact, I may even be quite the opposite. I tend to ‘test the water’ a number of times before deciding to jump.

Ok so you like me..And I guess I like you too. But I don’t jump. I give it time but all the while people think that I’ve somehow ‘decided’ already. (Probably coz I’m Blabbering all the ‘good stuff’ about it to my friends-have the tendency to see all the positive sides of a person) then it happens. The “big bang” and I decide to tip toe slowly away in the opposite direction. Then people notice and I explain… Do you really expect me to continue on a course has shown itself to be ‘fuzzy’? That may sound like being ‘decisive’ but it’s rather STUPID- a word I don’t want to end up using to describe myself..:D

So NO! I hereby declare myself not indecisive but in a way wise. And yes, I do have ample proof that my ‘tip toeing’ away was for the better. A few have ended up with let’s say-’not so happy endings’ so I’m surely glad I jumped off before the ship sank.LOL

I don’t care that I’m kinda getting ‘older’ and with my ‘giving it time’ and ‘tip toeing’ way of doing things I may end up ‘free’ ( so-called ‘single for life’ )..But I definitely don’t mind (not that I prefer it though-kind of ‘sour grapes’ line this is .hahaha). Call me ‘picky’ (im really not by the way:D) or whatever you want. I’d rather stay single than ‘ruin’ my life with the next ‘crazy’ guy that comes my way! But if he’s not crazy then……

Pain

Pain and hurt are some words many of us dislike talking about but ironically are interwoven in the web of life. In most cases, these words have a negative connotation to them. Everyone thinks that hurting, is bad and is one of the things you should avoid. I disagree.

Experiencing pain, sorrow, breaking your heart, and all other ‘negative’ emotions related to pain is in a way-healthy. Pain teaches us to become better people. It molds us into who we are. It is a ‘necessity’.

You get your heart broken; you learn to be more careful with other people’s feelings. You realize how easily you can wind up being the cause of someone’s hurt. You lose a loved one; you learn to treasure everyone you have with you. You know how loss feels. All these valuable lessons, learned with PAIN’s help.

Am I saying you can’t be careful of other’s feelings or understand loss if you haven’t experienced it at all? That would be a hasty generalization and a false statement as such. Though we don’t have to experience everything firsthand to understand or learn from it-there is a lot Pain can teach that mere stories or experiences cannot. Pain has no substitute.

In this world, pain seems to be a universal language. In fact, it seems to be one of the things that transcends all things and unites humanity. The ability to feel another’s pain is indeed a gift endowed only to us. Like with any other gift, it should be cherished.

Still, pain is not ‘natural’. By this I mean that we were not created with the intent of experiencing pain. Nevertheless, being in our imperfect state, pain has found its place. So, while we await our perfect, painless lives, let us learn from pain. Let us embrace it for will soon be a thing of the past.

...Disgusting ...

I can’t help myself right now. I’m sitting next to a lady in an internet café and all that’s on her screen are windows of YM and so many cams. Hey, I’m not spying ok, we’re just so close and don’t tell me you don’t glance at your neighbors screen when you’re in a café??(defensive much?:D)

This is definitely disgusting! She’s like selling herself to all these guys online…gross. A minute ago, she fiddled with her blouse and I really don’t wanna know what that was all about. Now she’s busy with her typing, playing with her hair and basically trying to be seductive. She’s definitely not pretty but how can a woman stoop down to this level?

The guys are probably telling to do all kinds of ‘stupid’ stuff. “smile, stand up, show me this and that” GRRRRRRR…and the response is all ‘you’re very nice..i like your smile…I like you…’..I’m trying to figure out who I should be disgusted with-the guys or the girl?

How can people be so so…desperate!! I mean, it’s downright gross. More on the girls’ side. I mean doesn’t she get that these guys are pervs? That they’re simply ‘playing around with her’? Or does she like it somehow because she’s got some attention deficient?

Why can’t people do things the ‘old fashioned way’??? Meet someone nice, get together, date, whatever?? Is it money? Fun? I just don’t get it!!!!!! Fooling each other, I mean who would even find it ‘amusing’ or ‘flattering’. Each of them probably has lots of windows open and is chatting with so many at the same time just like she is.

Money? Maybe that’s what it’s about but still-has the world really become so degraded that anyone would trade their bodies for the ‘right price’? I wonder if they even get the money. Who would be so stupid to even send a stranger money?? I bet the ‘guys’ have a big laugh when she complies so stupidly and then asks for the money …LOL Serves her right!!

GROSS, DEGRADING, SICK, OFFENSIVE and all the synonyms you can think of. I’m so tempted to ‘trip’ the switch ‘accidently’ and put an end to this …or say something like ‘Miss, do you realize you’re spoiling every Filipinas name there…??’ .Gotta get outa here FAST before I throw up...

HE made my SUNDAY

I’m fond of reading life stories of all those amazing transformations that people undergo when they accept the truth and make changes in their lives. It’s not that it’s too good to be true but sometimes it seems like they only happen on paper. Like you only get to know those people on the printed page. This is probably because they aren’t stories you hear every day. Well, Sunday is the day I realized how wonderful Jehovah is in giving chance for ‘all sorts of men to come to an accurate knowledge” of him. It’s not like I doubted it before but sometimes being able to really talk to a living example of such makes a huge difference. Here’s how it goes:

It was an ordinary Sunday afternoon and I and the girls were in the park doing our Chinese lessons. When we were done, for some reason we didn’t leave right away and just decided to sit down and relax. Then this guy-Ivan walked up to us and asked:” naa moh Bantayanang Torre” (hope got the spelling right). So we all searched our bags and got out Watchtower’s. He then started telling us his story. It went something like this:

He was a former snatcher, thief (climbing houses and all), and alcoholic…basically a CRIMINAL. Well, indirectly, he got hold of one of our mags-it was placed to his Lola- and started reading. That was way back 2008 (if I remember right).

Anyway, he went on with his ‘criminal life’ but always made it a point to ask magazines whenever he found witnesses. Then it happened. When snatching a cellphone, he had to pull out a knife. As he put it: “paghuman know ug dagan, naghinuktok jd ko ky kahibalo ko na sala jd ni. Naa jd toh sa Bible”. So he decided to go to confession but afterwareds “igon nila dpat maau ila paminaw pg human, ako kay wala jud..mrag bugat pa kaau ako pamati sa akong gibuhat”

So he continued with his ‘criminal’ lifestyle when one day, after snatching some item, he took refuge in the park. An elderly witness sat next to him and started preaching. Again, he accepted the magazines.

It seems somewhere in this stage-he couldn’t continue what he was doing. He quit his ‘job’ and became a laborer tending to the plants in the park. Whenever he had the chance, he got our magazines. He decided to change his life. Quit all his bad habits (he wouldn’t go into detail so probably drugs, girls and the lot) recently quit drinking (as in TOTALLY since he was an alcoholic) and is currently quitting smoking.

Now I just found that amazing. He was able to do all this without any study conductor to point him in the right direction, without the help of the congregation and just from what he read in the magazines. Jehovah indeed draws people to him.

The big issue he was facing was that he feels ‘unworthy’. He says, his mind keeps saying “hugaw ka..hugaw ka”. We tried reassuring him but he said “ pag abut sa judgement day, ok ra jud sa ako kung didto ko sa daotan ibutang..sa kadaghan sa akong gi himo-mkasabut jud ko. Dawaton nako unsa ihimo sa Diyos sa akoa..basta ako lang karon-mausab ko. Dili ko mag expect na iforgive pa ko…”

Back to the story, he mentioned that a witness promised a bible study with him and they were to meet in the park last Thursday. He was there, waiting but it rained so the witness didn’t make it. He was busy trying to describe to us this brother but we really couldn’t tell who it could be. Then, this brother ‘X’ walked right up to us and Ivan was so shocked. “nara siya oh!..mao ni ako pasabut!” Mark (the brother’s name) was in the mall he explained and was about to go home but somehow decided to drop by the park even though it wasn’t his schedule.

Now I was getting goose bumps here. It’s just like our job was to keep Ivan Company for the meantime so that Mark could find him in the park. AMAZING INDEED…
So Ivan kept on with his ‘I don’t deserve’ talk while I frantically flipped through my Bible trying to find that text about ‘sins as red as scarlet will become like wool…”..Revelation was it? Or maybe….?? I just couldn’t find it! (grrr..wala pa sa akong list of memorized text eh..) So I whispered to Mark if he knew it and he did.

ISIAH 1:18.I will never forget that text now. I gave Ivan to read. When he was done, he paused for a while and his face just lit up. “wala jd ko kahibalo na naa d I ni na texto sa bible..karon pa jd know ni na basa..naa pa d I ko pag asa bah! Basin maforgive ra ko sa Diyos!"

It seems our ‘job’ was done. Mark was going to start a study with him so it was ‘exit time’. It just didn’t feel right to ride a jeepney home that day so I took the 30 minute walk instead. People must’ve thought I was crazy or something walking alone smiling (maybe even talking) to myself.

All I could think about was WOW! Jehovah doesn’t really ‘need’ us to do the job of ‘drawing people’. The magazines, the bible and the Holy Spirit are more than enough. But he does. He uses us imperfect; sometimes even ‘unappreciative’ humans to help his sheep. What a GRAND PRIVILEGE we have...May we never take it for granted^_^

And one more thing i forgot-He shares everything he reads in our magazines with his 'workmates'.:)

..It just 'CLICKED’….

It’s natural for us to want to feel cared for, loved and appreciated. This is how we were created. This urge is evident no matter ones’ age and maturity has nothing to do with it. The ‘journey’ to finding that ‘special one’ is long, fun, achy and part of everyone’s’ life. There is no ONE person that was ‘meant’ for you. There is no ‘DESTINY’. The bottom line is-YOU CHOOSE WHO YOU END UP WITH.

As to whether you are a ‘good pair’ or not, “many shoes may fit”. Again-it’s choice. No matter how much we pray about these things, we know we don’t expect Jah to put a special ‘X marks the spot’ on the one that would be right for us. In the end-it is OUR choice.

The problem is that many will come and surely catch your attention. Yep, in my case-I’d say this is absolutely true! It’s like I’m minding my own business, being busy in the ministry and off course praying about these things and then ‘BOOM!’ someone comes along! I’m like ‘ahmm…so is this it? He’s ok..etc….’ then comes the big BUT..but he’s…but he’s…So I decide to ‘stop looking’ at him and get on with my life.

Am I looking for perfection I sometimes ask myself? No, I guess not. It just so happens that for some reason or another, these guys end up ‘lacking’. Sometimes it’s not even a ‘lacking’ more like me having a ‘realization’ whereas other times it’s a huge ‘lacking’. At least, from all these experiences(not like they are so many though..LOL), I know myself better.

I can’t ‘endure’ someone who is soo all over me, - ‘US’, ‘LOVE’..and ‘ME’ are the only things he talks about. ..( 143, I miss you..you are so…143.143..-cute but not my thing)..I don’t like being the one ‘cared for’ even scolded for my ‘’unhealthy habits’..Oh cumon’ I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF THANK YOU!..LOL. I can’t stand having to explain so much for them to ‘get’ me. ..’hello, can we please tune in to the same wavelength…’..I can’t stand guys who treat ‘all girls the same’. ..’oh so so and so knows that too..and I thought I was kinda special!..bye bye…’..I can’t love someone who can’t last long in a conversation on spiritual matters…’goals, hmm…what spiritual goals..?’

Well, what i need just 'clicked'- Someone who has a life of his own, who doesn’t need me to somehow validate his existence. Someone who I can Care for. Someone who understands me and who I understand. Someone I can relate to without having to give so much ‘background information’. Someone who isn’t a ‘girl magnet’. Someone who loves to talk about spiritual things.

Bottom line is-I doubt if I can or even want to start from scratch with anyone ‘new’ (just met) now. I realize that my ‘ideal’ SOMEONE must be’ SOMEONE JUST AROUND THE CORNER…He may be ‘nearer than home than I think..‘♥

Is love all that matters?

‘I LOVE YOU’. What exactly do those words mean? I always thought that they meant that that person knows you inside and out, has accepted all your weaknesses and loves you for what you are. Assuming that’s true, what reaction is expected? Is it safe to say that just because someone loves you, you ought to love them in return? Or at least give them a chance? Or does it mean that you should be willing to ‘throw away’ everything you’ve come to know just because they love you?

Many girls agree that when a guy really, really, loves you, you will be able to learn love them back. That no matter how ‘ordinary’ you may view them-their LOVE for you will be able to change everything. I have found something seriously wrong with this line of thinking.

The focus is on LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Is Love really all that matters? Aren’t there other aspects of a person that you ought to consider? In fact, aren’t there more important things such as spirituality that should be part of your decision?

I’m coming to think that LOVE isn’t really blind but LOVE can MAKE one blind. It’s so easy to be overwhelmed with all the love you are receiving that you ‘neglect’ or end up ‘blinding’ yourself to more important issues at hand. You may easily end up allowing yourself to ‘feel’ something for someone just because of all the love you’re getting and not for any ‘solid’ reasons.

I have come to conclude that there is in fact something very dangerous with ‘so much ‘LOVE. If someone is willing to do ANYTHING for you, you may be flattered at first but is that really a good sign? If all a person can talk about is their LOVE for you, should you get that tingling feeling? Should you conclude that ‘he is the one’?

NO! LOVE IS DEFINITELY NOT ALL THAT MATTERS. Yes, love will always be there but it shouldn’t be the only thing you see. It shouldn’t be the only reason you make a decision. It should not be the only basis for your relationship. In fact,it is one among the 'least' things to consider.

Learning To Trust

There are many things I've learned in life. But it seems on the process of learning these things, I've also UNLEARNED some things as well. One of these is how to TRUST. I just can't seem to bring myself to believing that not Everybody out there is bent on 'hurting' me. Not everybody is 'pretending'. That some people really are SINCERE and deserve to be trusted.

What has made me this way? My heart is like walled up with all kinds of high security-it wont let anything in anyhow. My mind has become overly protective of my heart.Whatever actions it sees,no matter how 'touched' my heart may be, my mind doesn't allow it. Like saying "don't be fooled..don't feel anything..you remember the pain, you don't want to go there again.."

What's the solution? My mind must be convinced that this person can be trusted. I must have no doubts whatsoever before I decide to trust. The problem is this is quite impossible. It always has to be a gamble. You always Have to be willing to loose.


I dunno, i really dunno what do do about this trust problem. I'm trying, really trying to TRUST but I'm not there yet. No matter how many reasons I already should have for trusting. No matter what people say-I can't force myself to TRUST YET.....

I must try and convince my mind to lower it's self defense. I must try and allow my heart to feel...I MUST LEARN TO TRUST!!

Because if I can't trust, How can I love??

Loss

We all know we're living in the last days. We know tragedy is part of these times. We know we aren't exempted from sickness and death. But the fact is, this 'knowing' doesn't mean we are READY for whatever unforeseen occurance that may befall us. It's not a matter of being 'strong' or being 'mature' but simply being human.

I just can't seem to get over the sad news of the passing away of a friends' father. I was ill when my bro told me and all I could do was hide under the sheets and let the tears fall. All I could think about was how I would feel if ever that happened: The pain, disbelief and shock just dawned on me.

Fathers and daughters share a special bond nobody may ever understand. The truth is I still don't know how I would react if ever anything happened to my father. These tragedies aren't things you can be ready yourself for. They just happen without warning. There is no PLANNING for them coz they come at a time we least expect.

If there is anything positive tragedy can teach us it's that the new world is at hand! The more trials we face, the closer we are to our eternal relief. Still, being able to live without someone we hold so dear to us in these hard times may be a very big challenge. This feeling of loss is something we may empathize with but never really understand until we face a similar loss.

There is no planning for these situations. Nobody wants to keep 'negative thoughts ' of loosing people they love in their minds. But the lesson I keep teaching myself is that we can PREPARE ourselves for whatever losses befall us in this world.

We CAN use each day to bring praise to Jehovah. We CAN draw closer to our heavenly father. We CAN build our faith. We CAN keep busy in the Lord's work. We CAN show we are keenly waiting on Jehovah.

This way, if WE loose OUR lives unexpectedly in this world, we will have 'Stored up treasures' in the heavens and made ourselves 'rich toward God'. We will be safe in Jehovah's memory.

And if we suffer the LOSS of a loved one, we will have stored enough strength, built enough faith and developed a close relationship with Jah that WE WILL BE ABLE TO ENDURE...

After all, what's 70 or 80 years of suffering when compared to EVERLASTING HAPPINESS??NOTHING....

For now, I'll just keep telling myself:..."just a little while longer...just a little while longer....just a little while longer..."

In my eyes

I see the ripple made by a raindrop on a puddle of water-I smile..I see some ordinary wild flower along the path-I smile. The way the sky seems to meet the ocean, the pure beauty of having green all around me-everything nature has to offer just leaves me in awe.

People who've known me for a time have really tried to figure out why I'm this way..Am I acting up or trying to get people's attention? THIS IS JUST HOW I AM..I'm going to explain why:

These sights may seem so normal and ordinary to many but when I take a close look at them, I see something else. All these scenes give me a vision of the future. I lone wild flower helps me see myself in a world surrounded by flowers of so many shades. Being in a place where green grass surrounds me with the ocean as a backdrop helps me see myself in a time when this won't be anything new..The peaceful, calm effect creation gives reminds me of how trouble-free we will be.

I pay attention to everything around me because it's my way of visualizing how things will be in paradise. Giving myself a taste of the 'real life' by treasuring every moment I spend around nature helps me 'keep my eyes on the prize'. It reminds me that the concrete I'm used to seeing in the city isn't what JH intended for us. That sometime soon, I won't have to travel far to get a taste of nature..

Not only do I think of the future when I'm in one of my 'escapades' but I learn more about JH...For me, the rock at Talikud island was Jehovah saying "Emily, I am your refuge...I am always here"...the crystal clear water said " I love you so much that I made this just for you to enjoy"...the green pastures in Samal said "Just hold on a while, I'll make the whole world as pretty as this" and the wild flowers said "I'll show you all the flowers I created if you stay faithful"..

So there you have it, If you're wondering why I suddenly seem to become reserved and suddenly give a 'woow' or 'look at that...' this is what's going on in my mind. I simply can't help it..

How about when the whole world is a paradise??Well, then I'll keep myself in Awe Indefinitely...^_^

Now I know

I thought you simply were good with words online, that you'd never be able to do the things you said you would..NOW I KNOW, that you meant everything you said you'd do. That you aren't one of those who is just full of words.

I thought you were treating me like you do all the other girls..NOW I KNOW that I definitely am special to you and that you aren't afraid to show it.

I thought you wouldn't dare be cheezy in front of our friends..NOW I KNOW that you really don't care what others may think, that you are true to yourself.

I thought you would be just full of fun and games...NOW I KNOW that you have a serious side, that you know how to do 'grown up talk' and that you aren't just a joker.

I thought you'd be uncomfortable with me..NOW I KNOW that we really do get along and that you can be yourself with me.

I thought you took your ministry 'lightly', like a chance to relax..NOW I KNOW that you truly love the deaf and exert a lot of effort just to get the message across.

I thought I'd end up with the 'dominating' role like I usually do, that you'd join the list of guys who thought too much of me..who couldn't 'control' me..NOW I KNOW that I can look up to you. That I really am a 'girl' when compared to you.


I'm glad you proved me wrong on so many counts because knowing all this has given me a confidence I was always afraid to have...

Mentally Challenged

I don't know about you, but I just hate conversing with people who seem to be on a different wave length! You try your best 'smart ass' talks and they can't rebut. That's just lame and basically the fastest way for me to say 'nice chatting with you but no thanks'..LOL

No, I'm not saying I'm smart or anything (people think I am though..ehem2x) but I do love being witty. I love twisting words, using up all my reservoir of 'trash talk' and love 'winning' intellectual conversations. But what I love the most is 'loosing' to someone who really does deserve to win. I love 'geniuses' who have their way with words and leave me checking out the meaning of words just to be sure I don't make a fool of myself.

My brain doesn't get much stimulation from my work so I need to keep it active with these intellectual conversations. I guess that's the role some people (you know who you are) have. Believe me, that is a very good place to be in my life;). The world, or should i say MY WORLD wouldn't be the same without you guys so thanks for sharing your brains and giving me a reason to use mine. I know I can be lame at times but hey, nobody was born with an IQ like yours so cut me some slack:)

So here's to all those who are able to tune into my wave length...>LOVE YOU GUYZ<

Working against your mind

We sometimes like to think that nobody knows what's going on, like we are so mysterious that nobody will figure out how we really feel. The thing is, this usually backfires. The more you try to hide, the more you show what you are. The more you put on that 'i'm ok' pretense, the more people start thinking there must be something wrong.

It's like our minds somehow make up for this desire to be secretive in ways we may not notice. From the way you react to inquiries to the outlook you seem to develop in some matters-your mind finds an outlet! There's no escape.

The fact is, hiding, being secretive or simply keeping things to ourselves is somehow against our human nature. We need to have someone or somewhere to let out your rants and raves. We need someone to know what is happening. WE CAN'T LIVE IN OUR SHELL AND EXPECT THE WORLD TO GO ON, NOT NOTICING.

Our emotions can be likened to a bottle of soda. When you shake it, no matter how tight you try and hold the contents in,it finds a way out. Bottom line is, in one way or another, we are hardwired to be social.

Is it wrong then to keep things to yourself and carry the world on your shoulder? Wrong? No but is it Healthy emotionally and psychologically- Definitely not! You will only find yourself working against your nature.

Lesson: Don't try to bottle up your feelings too much or you'll be fighting a battle you can't win

Proverbs are coping mechanisms

We are hardwired to be optimists, constantly rationalizing our decisions to make ourselves feel better about our situation. Our brains don’t like being wrong, we find ways to convince ourselves that the choice we made is the right one. At its core, a proverb is a survival tactic. These expressions keep us going.

But here’s the thing: proverbs are often contradictory.


To illustrate this phenomena, let's run through some contradictory pairings.


Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.


Don’t judge a book by its cover.
What you see is what you get.


Better safe than sorry.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


There’s no place like home.
The grass is always greener on the other side.


Sometimes, the proverb that you cite in a particular situation doesn't reveal what is happening, but rather, what you want to believe is happening. It is a coping mechanism.

CONTRIBUTED BY GLENUX

YoU Don'T KNow

You keep trying to show that I'm special and I just keep waiting for you to get bored and walk away. YOU DON'T KNOW how many times I've been the one left behind. How my past keeps hindering me from trusting again.

You try to be sweet and show you care and I just brush you off, acting like I'm deaf. YOU DON'T KNOW that you put a smile on my face but I'm too scared to show it. That I've done all that sweet stuff before and just got broken.

You keep telling people you like me but I just keep convincing myself your attention won't stay. YOU DON'T KNOW that I've built a wall around my heart, that I've become so numb that I don't believe things that easy any more.

You act so interested in me and my life but I act like it's normal and treat you like I do any one else. YOU DON'T KNOW that I've gotten too close before and It only ended in tears.

You seem to know just what to say and when to say it but I assume it's coincidence. YOU DON'T KNOW that nobody has ever really been there for me. That I don't want to admit that you've found your way into my life.

I don't know if you should know all this. MAYBE, JUST MAYBE ITS THIS INNOCENCE OF YOURS THAT MY HEART NEEDS TO OPEN UP AGAIN..

Goodbye to you

Everyone's been making a big fuss about the song I sang last Sunday "Goodbye to you" by Michelle Branch. I admit there really was a double meaning to it but didn't realize it was so obvious!lol Got me wondering why exactly I chose that song anyway...

The obvious reason is that I can relate to the lyrics. Yes, this is GOODBYE for good. There will be no more 'what if's' from now on. No more denied expectation. It's totally over now.

I always believed it was over a long time ago. That I had 'recovered' and I really had. But I guess it wasn't very convincing. Somehow, whether I realize it or not, something deep within me was waiting for him to 'come to his senses' and 'come back'. No matter what he had done in the past, I guess there still was a huge chance that I'd accept him.LOL

BUT NOT ANYMORE. After this, there is nothing that can be done. He will have to live with the consequences of his actions and I will have to stop my wishful thinking for good. For sure, there is no way I would ever accept him now and I know there is no way he'd even try.

Not that I'm having any regrets. In fact, as time goes on, I keep on proving to myself how right the decisions I made were. Not that I'm happy with His situation but It just helps to finally realize that I'm not so stupid after all. I actually did the right thing and He isn't the one for me!


SO there it is: "GOODBYE TO YOU, GOODBYE TO EVERYTHING I THOUGHT I KNEW..YOU WERE THE ONE I LOVED, THE ONLY ONE I TRIED TO HOLD ON TO.............."

Undercover

So called 'secret relationships' seem to be popping out all around me these days. Maybe He doesn't think SHE will be accepted in the family, maybe SHE has strict parents and is dating behind their backs-maybe it's a little bit of both. Personally, I just don't get why anyone would agree to go 'undercover'. LOVE?? I absolutely don't think LOVE is a good enough reason!

Think about it. If HE loved you, shouldn't he be proud of YOU?So proud he'd show you off to His parents, friends and confidently say :this is....my Girlfriend, the girl I love or whatever line he has? In my book DEFINITELY YES!! There is no way I'd really love someone who wants to hide me. That is outright shameful!

But then, there may be situations when you think the 'secrecy' is for your own good. Maybe it's because of some cultural or religious boundaries that you are stepping over. Maybe he really wishes he could show you off but he can't. In that case, maybe the hiding has a purpose. Still, the fact is all these MAYBE's are very seldom.

Well, I guess I don't expect couples to be as showy as I'd be if I was in their place but I surely don't get why they hide it. Why they act like 'just friends' in public. I mean, how can you treat someone special so normally?

It's really not wrong but I find it deceptive. Letting everyone know is a protection in so many ways. On top of that it makes you feel loved, secure...etc..

I can't control anyone's life but my own. I hereby promise I'd never ever hide anyone I love. I will(note the future tense used..LOL) Facebook it, twitter it, myspace it, blog it and whatever networks are developed by then:) Nobody will have to ask me who I'm 'with'. It'll be so obvious, even the dumbest person will understand. Just being Cornie? Nope-Just being ME^_^

Oh, and I'll expect the same to be done for me obviously...:D

The Terminal

I've been visiting the terminal a lot lately. I can't help but get this 'mixed emotions' feeling whenever I go there. It seems the terminal can be one of those places where you want to cry and laugh at the same time. Where beginnings or endings start. Simply a place where everyone seems to be busy in their own thoughts.

You're there to fetch someone you haven't seen for a long time.You anxiously look at every bus that passes by. All you can think about is 'i wonder how he/she's changed'...you can't wait to be reunited. Finally the bus arrives and you give each other a warm embrace.

Then when it's time to part, you take them to the same place that you were so excited to go to. Only now, you regret having to go there. You know you have to part ways. The problem is the time you spent is too little. If you could, you'd ride the bus with them at the instant. If you could, you'd wish it'd rain or something would happen so you don't have to part ways. But this is how things have to be. The terminal now becomes a place you really hate.

I guess you have to get used to terminals. They seem to bring both joy and sadness at the same time. They are full of love and friendships. The teary eyes, silent conversations and warm embraces of sweet reunions or sad goodbye's make you stop and think. Think about who you will have to take to the terminal next. Or how it would feel to be leaving all you ever knew.

My lesson from the terminal is simple: Treasure every second you have with all the people you love. Change is inevitable and you never know how drastic your relationships may change, who you may end up missing and how much you may regret everything you didn't do when you had the chance.

Never say Never

One of my friends(more like idol)is no longer a servant of Jehovah. When I heard the news, I simply couldn't believe it. All I could think of was "how come?".."how could he?"......"he was so strong...." and so on...

Then I remembered. I remembered the lesson that I swore I'd never forget.

NEVER SAY NEVER.

Many years ago, I 'looked down' on those who had privileges and ended up rebelling. I simply could not understand why and how such a thing could happen. I would tell myself "that would never happen to me". I would never end up like 'them'. I would never commit a grave sin like 'them'. Yes, this over self-confidence was part of me.

Then with an experience I'd rather not go into details with,it nearly happened to me.It was then that I learned my ultimate lesson. That it could happen to anyone of us. NO matter how 'strong' no matter how mature or well-spoken of you may think you are, you may very easily find yourself in a situation that you'd never imagined yourself being in. It takes one false move, one wrong decision and you'll have made the biggest mistake in your life.

So instead of thinking about all the 'Why's and 'how could he's". I empathized. I understood. I understood how he had fallen pray to Satan's trap. How he surely regrets his actions and how this discipline may bring him back to his senses.

And it taught me my lesson all over again. Never to feel too 'safe' and 'mature' that you feel invincible. To always keep yourself away from temptations and to continue building yourself up with 'fire resistant material'.

Blink

I open my eyes to the smell of the wet cement floor.Everything seems so dark and blurry, I can bearly see. My eyes are swollen and from the way my face feels, I'm thankful there's no mirror around. I don't know the day or the time but I've woken up like this so many times now. I'm hungry and thirsty. I don't know the last time I had a real meal.

"Think happy thoughts!!" I remind myself.And so I do. I think about the time I found my first bible study. The way her face lit up when she heard the truth. ..."How is she now?" I wonder. I think about the Kingdom Hall full of kids laughter, everybody's troubles put aside.I rememeber the tears of joy I shed when my lil bro became an MS or when my lil sis got baptized....How I miss those days..

The pain in my stomach is getting worse now. My whole body is throbbing in pain. I have to think of some other way to keep my self busy. "I know, I'll sing Kingdom songs!" ......'our reasons for joy are abounding....'...I try but my voice comes out in squeaks. I'm too weak to even sing. "Nevermind! I'll sing in my head then..."....'Jehovah is my father my God and friend..' ...Jehovah God my strength renew.....'....lalalalalala.....time passes....I can't remember anymore. How I wish I memorized more songs. Tears are pouring down my face.

I hear the door open and someone pull me to my feet. I can't make out a face.I hear something like.."this is your last chance..." I'm led on a famiilar path, i know where I'm going. I've been there countless times."Please help me endure this again" I pray.....in my mind i start singing again...'he'll guide you and protect you as he has all along, yes he will make you firm, and he will make you strong..'. ..I'm much calmer now...

I'm forced inside, I loose my balance and fall to the floor. The big man is talking now, he goes on asking:"Where do they live....what are their names...." I'm too weak to try and explain my stand again so I stay motionless on the floor...His approaching me now,voice raising:" ANSWER ME OR I'LL....." His fist or maybe the palm of his hand nearing..Then blackout.

I open my eyes to the sight of a many boots.NOthing seems familiar this time "Where am I??".Maybe they've decided to let me go!Positive, always positive. When they see me move, one pair of boots approaches and pulls me to my feet.He's trying to tell me somthing but I can only stare at his lips...'who will save you now?'...is all I can seem to get.

I'm led outdoors, the sun is too bright and i try to shield my eyes.I see a familiar figure.no two figures...Is it really them???They seem to be waiting for me. I wish I could run and embrace them but i can't.our hearts are embracing.. we just smile.a lonely tear falls accross my cheek...I join their line and we are made to face the wall.

Loud voices, guns loading."READY"!! I look to my right, then to my left..and close my eyes.. "FIRE!" Blackout

I open my eyes to the smell of fresh grass. "this is new, I think".. Smiling people surround me and ask for my name. When I tell them, they lead me by the hand down the hill.. when my eyes adjust to the light, i can finally see my surroundings.

GREEN, everything is just so green.NOw I understand. I stop in my tracks, my legs give way and I'm on my knees. Tears are flowing down my face, my lips are quivering but I can't talk..The people around me are crying too.My heart overflows with praise and thanks to Jehovah .

I CAN'T BELIEVE I MADE IT!! IT WAS ALL OVER IN A BLINK OF AN EYE..

(setting-during the great tribulation)

DEAR DIARY

It's a rainy Friday night. I'm alone but can't seem to take the smile away from my face. Just a few days ago, I thought I was the loneliest girl in the world. I had just so much emptiness in me I wanted to go to the terminal and get the first bus ride. The only thing I could think about was what now? How am I to live without the person I spent so much time with? Who will be my preaching partner?...

Then my every ready self defense system went into action. I prayed and made up my mind to keep all kinds of negative thoughts out! I declared that day the last of my emotional ones. I made arrangements to preach every single day this week and I did!!

There is so much 'loosing' someone can teach you.For one, that there are really a lot of friends that you have around you who can help you so you really are never alone. That sometimes it takes such a 'loss' to help you appreciate what you have and the people around you.That you can emerge a better person from such an experience.That maybe this loss was 'good' in a way and made me do things I never did before. And most of all, nothing can compare to the power of PRAYER.

I hereby declare myself a new person. I will stay positive no matter what. I will treasure the people I have around me. I will keep busy in the never to be repeated work. I will learn to wait for the right person at the right time. I will remember that in Jehovah's organization, there is really nothing like 'goodbye'. Above all, I will make JH my best friend.He will always be there..

I'd Say

No matter how outspoken you may be or how showy you may be of your emotions, i think each one of us has many things that they have't said. Whether it's to someone they love or a member of the family, there are definitely some words that are always left unsaid. I for one know that there are many things i'd love to say to people in my life. I really don't know why I haven't said them yet, but at least if I say it here, It'd be a big load off my back:

To my BFF bro I'd say:
I know I seem to keep on criticizing you and you probably think i'm your number one critic but hey, that's what siblings are for. The truth is I idolize you and I'm probably your number one fan. I think you are the best reader, best chairman, and have a great voice. I can't tell you this coz i don't want you to get big headed so for now, i'll keep it to myself.

To my BFF Hany I'd say:
I really regret being so 'hard' and 'emotionless'. I wish I let you brush my hair, massage and do whatever you wanted to do before. I know you know me well but i still wish I was a little more caring, a little more sympathetic and a little more emotional.

To the guy who makes me laugh I'd say:
You may not realize it but you never fail to put a smile on my face and I'm ever thankful for that. I really wish I had the guts to be a little showy before it was too late but I was too scared. The truth is despite the distance, I really wish you were here.

To the guy I loved before I'd say:
I honestly never really got over you. I'm sorry if this is why you seem to try and distance yourself but I really wish you didn't I wish you would treat me normally, i wish you would answer my texts and I wish you could tell me why you've changed so much. If I could turn back time, I wouldn't change anything I did and I'm still thankful I realized how much I could care for someone through you. SO million thanks for that.

To the girl who got the guy I'd say:
I'm sorry if I can't seem to get close to you. The bottom line is I really am envious of you. I know you've gone through much more than me and therefore 'deserve' him in a way but I just can't bring myself to be close to you. Still, I really hope all goes well with you both.

To my lil sis. kay I'd say:
There are so many things we have in common. I just wish we'd be more open with each other and stop acting so strong. I wish we could be closer than we are. I can't help but see that we seem to be building up walls to try and keep ourselves inside, secure and out of reach from the world.

Well, there you have it. I know this is probably one of the corniest posts I've ever written but I really don't care. It's the only way I can express myself so what can I do? I may have said these things here but I really don't know if i'll ever be able to say them in person. Why? Coz I really believe that saying some things cause too much change and this is not something everyone is ready to deal with. That is why some things are better left unsaid....^_^