CHiKens

There's something that I've come to realize lately-how much you know someone isn't the basis of how much you'll miss them. (this is gonna get a lot cheezy..so read on at your risk)..there are times when you simply get along with a group of people. It's not that you necessarily share soo many things in common, or that you know what they're going through or any stuff like that but you simply have the grandest time of your life with them. Y?? I have a couple of theories:

Theory #1: Personalities. Maybe it's because the combination of your personalities created a jigsaw puzzle effect-you came together and formed that picture that made you all smile..You just could be yourself with them without worrying about getting any raised eyebrows or criticizing whispers..

Theory #2: Circumstance. Maybe it just so happened that you needed a breather that time and they were the ones who gave that to you. You were stressed and they were available to help you unwind..

Or maybe it could be a little of both coz for sure things wouldn't be the same if you were with some other group..Like one of mois famous sayings: "it's not the place, its the people you are with that matters"...

Well, the fact is-I MISS THEM!!! (i know they miss me more :D:D:D:D.LOL)I really can't pin point the reasons but I will say it again-I MISS THEM LIKE I'VE NEVER MISSED ANY ONE BEFORE...(over n dyon..ahahaha)

FeAr

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and listening as well.Someone kinda insinuated that i could have been in a relationship by now if I wanted to. It's because of my in a way letting that person get someone else. I can't deny its truth. In fact, I've discovered that this cycle has somehow been repeated! So, the question I was left thinking of is why??

It always starts with friendship and It seems that I tend to have the habit of starting to like guy friends after a while. Then comes the time when the 'friend' starts to like some girl. off course, I know all about it. This is the turning point-my reaction to his admiration will determine how things end up. What do I find myself doing?? Being a super good friend, advising, etc. In short, giving the "i'm so happy for you" view.

I know I've known him for a longer time, i know at this point, we're closer that he is with the girl but I act like the supportive friend.

Why? Why don't I show that I'm not at all pleased, that I would rather he be with me? FEAR. Fear of what? I really don't know. Of rejection? Of not really being sure of my feelings? OF failure? Of responsibility? Of possible heartbreak? I really don't know- maybe a little of everything. The point is-fear always makes me back out.

If its all about guts, i think I really do have that but when the 'turning point' comes, i choose to give way and let someone else 'get' my friend. What next? Well, I unintentionally find myself furthering myself from him. Why? Again-FEAR.

This time i know what I'm afraid of: I fear that keeping my attachment, closeness will only cause me to 'fall further'. My thoughts might be something like: "now you have her, you don't need me". I just can't keep the same level of closeness- I simply don't trust myself!

Whether my actions are right, i really can't say. The truth is, sometimes, I truly miss all the things we shared-conversations etc.But I force myself to 'get on'. Does this make me a bad friend? I don't know. One thing I've discovered is no matter how strong, daring I may look, I really am so full of FEAR..

Weddings

Weddings are supposed to be a happy, fun time for everyone. In my opinion even the preparation should be enjoyable and stress free. It's been really crazy how much I've come to learn about all this stuff lately! How did it make me feel? Envious? I really can say NO WAY!

The fact that you don't have to experience something to learn is really true. There is so much more than the 'happy ending' that's usually on everyone's mind. The wedding day, though being so short actually does take a lot of preparation. All of this puts a lot of pressure on both parties and instead of being that blooming, crazy in love, excited bride to be, you may easily find yourself loosing weight and looking nearly sad!

Hmm..a lot of things to think about huh? One things for sure, i definitely am not going to jump into anything too fast!! Whenever my turn comes, I will be the most stress-free, happy, blooming...etc bride-to be in the world! LOL...For now, its time to sit back and enjoy the ride before price charming sweeps me off my feet...hahaha...]

Letting Go

At one point in our lives, we all have to let go. No, i'm not implying that I've letting go of someone i Love. Love is in fact not the only thing you have to learn to let go of. It may be anyone or anything that for some reason must be 'set free.

Friends sometimes need to let go of each other. This can be really hard. You've just spend so much time with each other that you can finish each others sentences but change simply must be respected.

Change is what often forces us to let go of people. Sometimes, no matter how much we'd love to keep each others company forever, we cant. Maybe they've become a bad influence on us and we must protect ourselves by letting go. Or perhaps, circumstances change like they're getting married or changing residence-maybe even both! Whatever the case, sometimes, we must swallow hard, shed a tear and move on.

Its interesting how letting go can affect us. The people you have around you greatly make up who you are. You can't be the same after someone walks out of your life. The secret here is to make it help you grow or else you'll be hurting for a very long time.

Off course you can still keep in touch and keep up with each others lives-that's what technology's for right? Still, things will never be the same.

Well, I guess you have to let each other go. Accept the fact that you're friendship has to change and that you're entering a new chapter in life. This I believe will prove how true a friend you really are. Holding on is very selfish.The art of letting go isn't something you can read about or even learn from others. It's something we all have to gain the mastery of and understanding that it's part of life is harder than we think.

A time to Cry

Its sometimes so hard to understand why people say the things they do. No matter how innocent their motive may be, it's simply very hard to take it as that. More often than not, you'll end up retaliating with similar hurtful words. I seldom get hurt, in fact crying is definitely not my way of solving problems but there is a time for everything right?

So, here i am admitting my latest tear shed very recently. THe reason as always being my bro. Coming to think of it, i really do understand why the person said what he did, it was pure concern. In fact, i really couldn've done the same if i were in his shoes. But then I ask myself: why did it hurt so much?

My answer is this: THe truth hurts.Sometimes we know the truth but prefer to keep it somewhat 'hidden'. Not that we literally hide it but we go on with life and do our best not to think about things that will hurt us. Then all it takes is a little word to bring our world tumbling down. We wake up to the reality and are forced to feel all the pain we tried to keep inside.

These instances aren't bad in my opinion. It depends of course on the person you're dealing with. I'm strong, I know I am so it really does take a lot of words to cut my heart. The problem is when it does happen, I can't seem to stop the tears from flowing.

SHould I really be hurt??Definitely Yes! He's my brother, i want him next to me in paradise, i want our blood lines to continue forever! It does hurt being made realize how grim my dreams really are. But it is bound to happen sometime and now isn't bad timing after all.

Anyway, the bottom line is this:People sometimes say things without realizing how they will hurt you. It doesn't help getting mad. THe best you can do is swallow the words down, cry your heart out to JH and keep smiling...

Pioneers and Love

I received this funny text message about the difficulties that RP's face. It all started with the usual-shoes, bags, work, finances etc but guess what the first one was??LOVE!! With the question:"haven't you noticed?". It definitely seems to be so, but why?Why are the people who try to keep their focus on spiritual things the ones usually 'out of love'??

Maybe it's because they're too busy with their lives. Busy balancing secular work with preaching. Busy striving to get their 70hours that LOVE is the last thing on their minds. Maybe that's the impression people get, something like "She/He has no time for me, so why try?" So are they 'missing' a lot of opportunities with this 'busyness' of theirs?? Definitely not! There is certainly no comparison to the happiness they gain compared to any 'love life' they could have had.

Maybe it's because people have so 'high' regard for them that they say to themselves:" I'm not good enough for him/her. She/he deserves someone better". Like they somehow 'scare' people away with their spirituality??Well, here's what I have to say about that...If a person feels you are 'too' spiritual minded for them, they aren't for you.Why? The basic thing that both should have in common must be spirituality! IF they view you as 'too high' for them, guess what??They must be right and if you really think of it, you probably won't find them compatible after all. A really spiritually-minded person will look for someone alike.The kind of people you attract are a reflection of who you are.

Whatever the reason, lack of 'love' isn't really one of a true RP's problem. In fact, it's one of the last on the list.And if you equate being an RP to ending up w/o Love, you're making one of the biggest mistakes in your life! COZ pioneers are the happiest people I know:D

ChaNge

"Nothing is constant in this world except change". Ironically though, it takes time and a little thinking before you really see how much change has happened from when you last checked. I'm taking that time now and marking it in this post as the day I realized how much yesterday is different from today.(char)They say you should start with yourself and work yourself outwards, so I'll do that.

How much have I changed:

* I don't turn my head at every 'handsome' guy that passes by (yap, I used to!LOL)
* I can spend all my money on everything and everyone without getting anything for myself with no problem at all
* I can resist the urge to 'text'/ 'call' someone (whom I'm not supposed to be calling/texting) and leave my phone unattended
* I can survive a whole week without sleeping over at anyone's home ( ie.Staying at home for a whole week.AMAZING!!)
* I can do all the house chores everyday by myself without complaining
* I can make and stick to a schedule
* I can last a day without mentioning any guy (I like ...A MIRACLE!!:D )

How much 'others' have changed:

* People don't 'tease' me with every guy that comes along.
* People aren't as 'curious' as to my 'love life' as before
* My 'lil bro is having his first 'crush'..LOL
* My X-BS is now my constant preaching partner ( a very efficient one..)
* People I considered as rather 'immature' are on their way to maturity
* Friends I couldn't 'live without' are now left with 'hi' and 'hellos'

Is it that people change because you changed first? Or do you both change simultaneously?Wonder how I can find that out..Is change good?I guess so. I think we all grow up and that's something none of us can change. It's sometimes fun to think about how naive you used to be. (I can't help but smile when I read some of my past posts!!) CRAZY ME! Well, change is something that's here to stay so we all better get used to it, enjoy what we have now, laugh at our mistakes and look forward to change.Why?? Because though some things never change, some things may never be the same...^_^

Facebook

I don't know anyone (no wait I do, but only one) who doesn't have an FB account.You may think it's the 'in' thing for youth today but even mothers and grandmothers are getting into the FB world!It's a great idea-keeping everyone connected, getting in touch with lost friends and relatives, being updated on people's lives etc.You can post pictures, play games, chat, name it-FB has it. It's become like the ultimate 'all in one' application package. I must admit, it does start out as innocent fun but ask yourself-what site do you open first(gmail and Ymail not included)?What site stays on your browser come what may?What site do you log into when you get home(after work)?And what site is the last one you close when you finally decide to go Offline?Yep FB FB FB FB on all counts!So what?Well, its useful yes but I'm starting to think and have drawn the conclusion that whether we realize it or not, it's a very time consuming and distracting habit.Yes, it's fun, really fun but sometimes we have to learn to 'work first and play later'.Coming to think of it, why else would FB be blocked in many company's?There's a time for everything.

That brings me to my next 'case study' on the subject.I theorize that FB is actually addictive.This is one addiction that has no rehab and in my opinion will be one very hard to quit.How to diagnose yourself? Try not logging in to your FB account for a week.(I'm diagnosing myself right now) and if you can do it 'no sweat', fingers not itching to type 'facebook.com' on the browser,mind not filled with thoughts on what are the latest updates and who might have inboxed you, then CONGRATULATIONS!But if not?well, time for some self therapy I guess.Remember "too much of anything is bad".Anyway that being said, back to my Facebook abstinence.

Put it on Paper

I've never been the type who puts everything into writing, makes daily 'what to do's' or checklists- I used to find it a little corny and just not my thing.Anyway, I decided to try and guess what-it makes a difference.There simply is a big difference between thinking things up in your head and putting them into paper.Like if it's just in your mind, you can easily 'delete' and get on with life but once it's on paper, every unaccomplished thing is a failure, a solid proof of your mismanagement.Once you get things on paper start to realize just how much time you actually have on your hands (I ended up running out of things to do) and how to make the best use of it.You get to think of all the things that should be a daily habit but somehow you don't seem to find time to fit them in.Once you write them down and start doing your very best to follow through, you get a unique sense of satisfaction.Like your day wasn't a waste and you used every single minute wisely. Well here are some of the things I've been able to do with my new 'finding':

>read at leas one chapter of the Bible daily
>read the day's text
>get the house clean before 10:00am
>do laundry
>prepare for all the meetings
>do research

It's only been a couple of weeks and I know it'll be harder to stick to it as time goes by but you'll never know what you can do unless you try right?So this is me trying to stop my 'come what may', 'unplanned', 'spur of the moment' life and start being a little organized.You're only young once, so if you don't do all you can with your time,you might wake up one day finally planning to make the most of your time but finding yourself with back pains, failing vision, a weak heart and every thing old age brings and realize it's actually too late.^_^

Happy Ever After

It's a fact that probably every girl alive has some idea of their perfect wedding, ideal dress, romantic getaway etc.It's also a fact that many rush into marriage with this fantasy in mind.I think children s' fairy tales have a lot to do with this, every story ends with a 'and they lived happily ever after'-something that couldn't be further than the truth. It's about time people realized that you're not in some 'dreamworld' waiting for your Prince Charming to sweep you off your feet and take you to your palace.There's no such thing as a 'perfect' partner and marriage doesn't end in a 'happily ever after'.So just how are you supposed to know that you're all grown up and not living in a fairytale world?Is it age?Well, that definitely plays a part but there really is something more.I think there's no such thing as being totally prepared.Sometimes, you don't know what you're doing and end up in the middle of something you didn't bargain for.We all grow up and change our minds and goals multiple times a year but if you find yourself committed but somehow not so ready do you have the right to back out?I guess it depends on the reason.If love has nothing to do with it and you just want more time to enjoy single life, I guess that's not good enough.In fact, if your willing to sacrifice all those 'wants' and stick to your commitment, you actually are showing that you actually are ready for a lifetime commitment.Anyway, bottom line is.Think a million times before entering any relationship, if you find yourself into something and change your mind?Again think a million times.No marriage is full of bliss but you just might find yourself living a 'Nearly happy ever after' if you make the right decisions.

FYI-post was by request so absolutely no personal issues involved..heheh:D

Doubts

Nothing we decide to do will have a 100% success rate.We don't actually really know what the result of our decisions will be.Of course you evaluate, meditate,plan and do everything in your power to come up with a final decision but it's always a make or break.Some things you can't forsee and only realize once you're there.If you can change your mind and back out-great. But some things are more permanent.Weather you take the chances or not all depends on your motive and how strong your desire is to do it.If your motives are pure,unselfish and desire strong-nothing will stop you and you'll be ready to face anything.

Sometimes, you know what you have to do but don't do it.Maybe it's a fear of change, or uncertainty of the consequences or maybe simple procrastination that usually goes too far or perhaps you get too comfortable with your current lifestyle and situation that you forget to make the change.No matter how noble or right the decision may seem,you always have second thoughts-'what ifs' cloud your mind and peoples' reactions start to cause you to doubt the logic in your decision.What then?Deafen your ears and convince yourself over and over again that you're doing the right thing.

So am I having second thoughts?I wouldn't be writing this if I weren't:D Am I making the right decision?Definitely Yes.Am I sure of success?Not really.Do I have everything planned out?Nope.So what exactly am I thinking then if I have all these doubts?I'm making time for more important things, I'm keeping my promise, I'm 'testing' JH,I'm simplifying my life ,I'M DOING WHAT IS RIGHT..it's now or never *_*





Lyrics | Elliott Yamin Lyrics | Can%27t Keep On Loving You Lyrics

Love is

Everyone has there own definition, explaination about Love.I think we can find love all around us, you don't have to have any 'special' someone to realize how much love you have and can give in your life.You don't have to say or be told "I Love You" for you to feel loved.We should understand that love isn't really all about 'romance' and the opposite sex, it's simply caring and being cared for, thinking about others more than yourself, giving and taking,being there for people who need you and having a shoulder to cry on when your down.It can be shown not only by red roses and chocolates but even by handshakes, hugs and smiles.It's felt not only by having'goosebumps','sparkling' eyes or daydreams but even by the smile on your face right now or the next time you laugh or just by knowing you're not alone in the world and that anytime you want to talk, there are people you could call who would listen. Sometimes, you just have to stop and take a close look around you to realize how blessed and grateful you should be for all the love you have in your life.*_*

Time

It's amazing how things can change in such a short time. Before you know it, people have come and gone in and out your life.Kids you used to carry and spin in the air are now almost in High school.It's like you wake up and realize everything has actually changed! 'Pains' you thought would never heal are now mere memories that you sometimes laugh at.People you thought would be there forever are nowhere to be found.More ironic is how time can even 'heal' our occasional 'crazy' love interests-in a blink of an eye, you don't know what was so 'perfect' about him anymore! Yep, time is a great eye-opener.Where would we be if we 'got lost in the moment' and didn't wait for some time to pass??Probably in some disastrous relationship?Married to a wrong person...something very, very regretful!So, am I regretting anything now? NOPE!Just like things wouldn't be the same if you hadn't waited, things wouldn't be the same if you did anything different.You wouldn't be the same person.I've got a motto on that line-"don't regret anything you did, remember it made you happy at one time":) They say 'only time will tell'- I've just understood this.There's nothing we can do to change time, at least we can make sure we don't waste it, we treasure every one we've had the chance to be close to in the past, hold dear the people in our life at the moment and look forward to what life brings in the future^_^

BroKen StrIngs

Don't ask me why but I can't seem to get enough of this song by James Morrison and Nelly Furtado. Sorry, no time to give my detailed sentiments:)Just listen to it........

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again but you broke me
Now I can't feel anything

When I love you it's so untrue
I can't even convince myself
When I'm speaking it's the voice of someone else

Oh
It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh
The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before


Oh
What are we doing
We are turning into dust
Playing house in the ruins of us


Running back through the fire when there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh
It tears me up
I try to hold on but it hurts too much
I try to forgive but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh
The truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire when there's nothing left to save
It's like chasing the very last train when we both know it's too late

Too late


You can't play on broken strings
You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel
I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts and a lie's worse
How can I give anymore when I love you a little less than before

Oh
Yeah
Yeah
I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time
It's the last chance to feel again

If i were a boy

I'm sure we've all heard Beyonce's "if I were a boy".It just got me thinking:

"If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man"

All girls think they'd be better men if they were given a chance.But I think thats only because we're girls and know what we need so we think we'd be better boys.Maybe we forget that boys were born boys.They've never known how it feels being a girl, never been 'hurt' the way girls hurt and don't really know exactly what to say and do to make us happy.In fact, they must think we're so hard to understand and we probably think the same.Why?Coz we also have never been boys!!How are we to know why they act the way they do?Why they care today and seem to ignore us tomorrow? Why they simply don't seem to get the basic fact that a little 'sweetness goes a long way'?

Well, I guess it's a tie then.If only guys could be girls for a time and girls-guys.Then they'd finally understand each other and the world would be a much better place.:) BUT since that would only happen in our dreams,how are we supposed to understand guys and they-us?I dunno..One thing I've learned though-don't beat yourself up girls!meaning?STOP THINKING!! STOP ANALYZING!!(not that it's bad but we just over do it!..why didn't he...,why is he...)Believe me,it makes life a lot easier.And to boys??START THINKING! (at least try..why didn't she...;)The difference?Girls usually have a reason for everything(ie.we've got issues!!) So? So everything she(we) does actually has some 'hidden' meaning!!(uhuh..everything she did/didn't do has a reason!!scary huh?) whereas you guys are a little 'care-free'.Almost everything you do is really 'no big deal'.

My point:since we can't change roles/genders literally,maybe we can try thinking like the opposite sex.Girls be a little more 'no biggy' and guys a little more 'concerned'.Who knows?We might meet somewhere in between.Not that I'm an expert or anything-I'm simply a girl doing what i do best-thinking too much.&_&

Dreams

Do you remember your dream last night? I find it amazing how dreams can be so realistic! I think they are in a way a part of our subconscious mind.A place where there are no boundaries,where we make the rules and where our real 'dreams' come true or 'fears' come alive. I know you can't decide what to dream of but I think you do have some control over them, like if you're facing an important turning point let's say a competition, i bet your dreams would be of either winning or loosing.In short, we don't just dream anyhow but our situation, concerns are all a part of what we dream.Maybe that's why they are sometimes so realistic-because they really can happen and perhaps are what we'd like to happen or are fearing would happen.

The people or characters in our dreams are also 'based' on our lives. I can safely say my family, friends etc are almost always in my dreams.Most times, the person/people I'm concerned about or thinking about at that time are the 'main' characters in my dreams.And my 'story line'? hmmm...things I wish would happen ;)

Isn't it good that you don't usually remember your dreams?Some things better stay in 'dreamworld' don't you think?;) And it's even better that when you do remember, only you know what you dreamed about? There's no way I'd let anyone in my head!!(the things they'd see, the secrets they'd know!!lol) My dreams are one of the very few things I get to keep to myself so find yourself very privileged if I ever share any of them :D @_@

What If

I think it's all too common for us to take for granted the spiritual heritage we've been handed.But have you ever asked yourself what if you were just a 'normal' worldly kid and someone knocked on your door offering a magazine or something would you accept it???Think real, real hard...well??

I think about this often and have concluded that I might have accepted it since I like reading and it was free.But how about when they returned?Again and again?Trying to establish a BS?Who's to say I would be 'touched' by what I read?Or that something would interest me?Yep, I'm quite sure I would 'back-out'. Even if I did accept, I really don't think I'd make all the changes needed.Why?Coz, I'm pretty sure I'd be a 'wild', 'independent', 'party-goer' kinda girl.

Coming to that conclusion, where would I be now?A drug-addict? Maybe with two kids and no father?Or maybe still at school struggling with my grades?Worst still, maybe in jail for some crime?I dunno.For sure, I'd be lost, without purpose, unhappy, discontent, with loads of problems, hopeless and definitely with a very dim future.

But thanks to our spiritual heritage, we haven't had to 'taste' the world, we have direction, purpose and a bright future.:) It might be somewhat true that those who 'find' the truth on their own are more 'focused', more appreciative of JH's organization etc and that we sometimes take things for granted.But it is equally true that they were so close to not becoming one of JH's servants.There are a lot of 'what ifs' that could have changed everything-for the worst!On the other hand we have had the privilege of not having to 'experience' the world to know it's dangers. Not having to be 'chin-deep' in irreversible circumstances before coming to our senses.The list goes on......

How about being less 'focused', 'appreciative' and taking things for granted? It's all about appreciation.You have to take time to really think about all the "what if's".You'll come to realize what a rare privilege we have that we should be forever grateful for.*_*

EVERY SINGLE DAY

I know I've said i love Sundays and Thursdays.I'm having second thoughts,with the way this week is going, I just might end up loving every single day!!Why?Nope, I'm not crazy over some guy (i think)-gotta give myself a break from that! It's because I've preached every single day since mm..Sunday I think.Have you tried it?? It seems I've forgotten how it felt until now and I'm loving every part of it.

It somehow keeps you reminded that this is no time for 'games', no time to be concerned over 'matters of the heart', no time to be 'worried' over anything and definitely no time to be 'busy' in the world.Like a constant 'alarm' telling you how close we are to the end, how much work there is to be done and how you should be spending your time.

It's the only way you'll feel exhausted but happy.The only way you'll 'forget' your problems (at least for a while) and the only way you'll realize what truly matters.Meaning? It's not what happened at work, not what bills are due,who your mad at or who you miss-it's that you're using your your time, energy and resources in JH's service:) Like the YPA video line: "Unless you use your life to serve JH, you'll always feel empty".Put it another way:"if you use your life to serve JH, you'll always feel contented and happy." The kind of happiness you'll never find anyway else.

Another thing-Isn't it amazing how you become of 'one mind' when at the door? How you can instantly think of a way to support your partner, how your partner seems to know exactly whats on your mind.Like you were literally one mind!

Well, we're young and strong and have so much to 'give' to JH!!Just the thought is inspiring-"GIVE to JH??" So, on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday I'm gonna be doing the best thing in the world!(try my best to)No more 'emo-days'-huge waste of time!(maybe I'll have some, just not so often;) Anybody wanna join me??I promise nothing more than complete happiness *_*

Nothing compares

There are really many, many things that makes all of us smile.But if you were asked what was your ultimate 'high', what could get you out of any bad mood, make you forget your problems and keep you smiling for a long time, what would it be?? I'm glad to say I've found my 'ultimate high':) There definitely is nothing that compares to the happiness, satisfaction and contentment you feel after a successful preaching activity!!Don't you agree?It feels like the world stops for a while,and you're in a bubble floating in the air.*_*

No matter how everyone was probably tired from the whole day's work,surely had much on their minds,it's like they left their worries, concerns etc at the KH gate and walked in like they had the best day of their lives! Everyone being as positive as they can, holding back yawns and not mentioning hunger.Everyone focusing their mind on one Goal.That's the kind of unity you only see in JH''s organization and one of the things I live for.

Then theirs always the part of sharing experiences.Simply seeing someone excitedly relate what happened,with so much conviction just 'melts' my heart.You can't help but love them.:) When it's finally 'going home' time-there's always the feeling that you wish you could all go home together.That you never had to go separate ways so you could continue your conversation.It's like biding goodbye is as good as leaving your 'bubble' and having to go back to the 'real' world.

Can you imagine feeling that satisfied, happy etc every single day??Well, I've just reinforced my decision!!!I'm surely going to have no regrets!!&_&

Decisions

I don't know about you but I sometimes wish there was someone to tell me exactly what to do every time.That I didn't have to think so much, that I didn't have to make my own decisions.Or that I was somewhat like a robot-programmed to do everything!Off course that isn't possible-our free will is one of the many things that separate us from animals and is a great gift.SO we all have to make our own decisions-sometimes big, sometimes small and sometimes huge!

I don't think I've made all the right decisions in my life- I guess no one has.There is one thing I've found out though:you always have to remember why you made the decision in the first place or else you'll get carried away and loose your focus.That's exactly what I think has happened to me and I'm hoping it won't happen again!Ok, what am I talking about?

Here's my analysis:Stopped school for full-time.well and good-I did reach that goal.But off course needed to support myself so applied for work-full time (8hrs a day).No weekends so I thought-"not bad".Then planned to do part time to avoid any hindrances of attending PSS but before I knew it, I found myself with another full-time job!This time including Saturdays!!Ok this is not good but I'm in a 2yr contract already-no turning back!!Then everything isn't really 'ok' anymore-can't preach Saturdays, takes a lot of effort to do weekdays(sleepy), and Sundays are ruined (from work).Can you see how far I've come from my original plans???What was supposed to be a means to support the ministry has become a full-time career-8hrs a day, 6 days a week, and a shift that sucks!Not to mention all the hassle to get leaves for assemblies!This isn't what I wanted at all!

Then came a 'WAKE-UP CALL'(PSS and District).It said :"Remember what's your career again??BEING AN RP!Not spending most of your time at work!How could you let your career suffer this much and for so long?"That was it-I made a promise/promises to myself and JH that come 2yrs-I'm done.I'll never apply in a company ever again.I'll never do 8hrs a day again.And I'll never let my career suffer ever again!

One thing left to do-follow up on my promise.My 'strategy'?Let a lot of people know of my plan, this way they'd follow up on me.Yap, it's been effective.Then one last thing-letting my office mates,supervisor etc know.I thought it would be the easiest part but it actually wasn't!Knowing how much you're still needed and how short they are on resources doesn't make anything easy at all!But I DID IT!!!yepey!!!*_*One more thing to do-submit my letter!!(find one to copy online.lol)


And how about all of my concerns? Assemblies,bros college..etc.....One text repeating to myself in my head:"...seek first the kingdom..all other things will be added..." ,"...seek first the kingdom..all other things will be added..." ,"...seek first the kingdom..all other things will be added..." :D

Smile

There must be a lot of things and people that make you smile.I'm into emo posts these days so this one goes out to everything/everyone who makes me smile:) I don't think i really have to mention names-you know who you are;)Well here are some of the things or people that put that smile on my face:

>being served bfast/lunch in bed(spoiled:D)
>sunrise/sunset
>waves/sand of the sea (so tranquil)
>Flowers!(Fibonacci principle..ehem;)
>Soap and water
>walking in the Rain
>starry nights (shows how small and insignificant we are)
>getting early morning/late night calls:D (uhuh. i love my fone na!!)
>midnight talks with my bros
>talks with my fwends
>"hello's" and "Thank you"'s
>listening to the kids answer
>seeing the deaf at the KH
>birds in 'v formation'(it conserves energy)
>learning something i never knew
>listening to my fav. songs
>listening to encouraging experiences
>getting asked "how are you?":D
>seeing a BS become convinced

There are probably many, many more things that keep me smiling but these are the one's I can think of now, so they're also probably the ones that matter most^_^ So to all the people who keep me smiling-Thank for making me smile!!!keep it up!!lol

SImply being me

Is there anything as giving too much of yourself to the world?Like there comes a point when you feel like you've got nothing left to give,you're tired of being the 'hero', tired of being the one who cares, tired of the one who everyone leans on.You wish that for once, you'd be the one on the receiving end, you'll be the one who needs a 'hero' and you'd get to lean on someone.It's not that nobody cares,- off course they do, maybe it's because everyone thinks there's no need to show it or maybe they don't know how.I really can't blame anyone for that-it's just the impression everyone gets-that I'm the girl who knows 'exactly' what to say and do, doesn't need anybody's advice, can take care of herself,can solve her own problems and has her life all planned out.Well,I can't deny most of those but just because I seem to have everything together doesn't mean I don't need anyone, that nobody needs to care or that I don't need a shoulder to lean on right?

Thing is if I seem to 'have everything together' how are you supposed to know when I need a 'tap on the shoulder'??hmm...does there really have to be a real reason to? You could just care randomly right?Coz there's no way I'm gonna act sad, down and helpless just to get people's attention!!That's sooo over the edge!ewwwwwwww......Or do you expect me to go:"hey guyz, I'm feeling kinda down right now, please encourage me"?Actually tried something like that but got a 'you know what to do' answer when I honestly DIDN'T!I really don't get why people think I'm so 'knowledgeable'?

Sometimes, I just need a little appreciation, someone to tell me 'it's all right' or 'you can do it'.Someone to text/call not to ask any favors but simply to ask how you are.Or to be looked for/missed when you're not around.Not always to be the comforter,encourager,one being asked favors.Makes me sometimes 'envious' of those with 'weaker' personalities-everyone cares for them,everyone's always ready to encourage them, give them a hand.But that also makes them sensitive, 'fragile so no thanks-don't want their life!:D

One of my silly 'master sometimes is 'disappearing' from the world for a day or two.Disappear?Not texting, calling etc anyone, not making any arrangements with anyone (dramatic huh?lol) just to see if anybody would ask if I'm ok or if anybody would notice I'm 'gone'.Unfortunately though, I end up missing them first and decide to 'reappear'!lol.Then there are times I wish I could literally 'disappear'.Purpose?Just for the world to miss me, to realize all I did for them so when I return they'd 'value' me more somehow.

so?What to do?Maybe I should stop 'giving too much' of myself to the world?The less you give,the less you expect to receive right?But nope, wouldn't work-giving,helping,encouraging etc makes me happy!Besides, my 'self-pity' feelings are really seldom.And off course I know JH sees and cares-that's more important than anything any human can show.Good thing I'm also very 'self-sustaining'-so when I don't receive the 'things' I need from anyone, I give them to myself:D So don't worry, until the world 'learns' or 'realizes' how to care or until someone comes along who does-Me, Myself and I are always there and know exactly what to do ;)

Last words: "it's not easy to be me" but you have to admit, the world wouldn't be the same without me;) so I'll have to continue to be me for the world :|


*end of emo post*

Memories

I was checking my "box of secrets' recently-it's something I do when I'm sick of reading, can't sleep, have noone to talk to.It's amazing how time flies!And it's more amazing how people and life in general changes.I found some (actually a lot) of pics of people who back then weren't anybody special, just happened to be among my companions at the time but now are 'something' to me.I was a little surprised, like :"oh..i didn't know we were together here..this is way back 2007 or so!."lol.Then there were pics with people who I was close to back then but now aren't part of my circle of close friends.Yep-things really have changed.

Then I found an old notebook.With what??All the poems I ever composed (most of them)hahaha!What was I thinking? I just ended up laughing at myself. At least I could remember a what was going on that drove me to my corniness.Mostly effects of all my hormones trying to stabilize during the 'teen years'.It was very, very funny and embarrassing to read those!lol

Remember the good ol high school fad of autograph books??"what was your most embarrassing moment?Who was your first love?What did you find attractive about him/her?" Yap, I have at least two complete ones with most of my classmates on them.(i even have my crush's autograph!can't believe i was that daring!)

Do you keep a diary??I never thought I did until then! i found a couple of pages with the "Dear Diary" on top!imagine that, I actually did start doing the 'diary thing' at some time.All the details in those pages were very 'enlightening'.It seems I turned to diaries to get over a heart-break.And made sure to update every single improvement in my 'journey to recovery' hahaha...I never ever thought I did that!!Anyway, it seems I finally came to my senses(my 'diary' was only a couple of pages).I really, really thought I learned my lesson of writing 'stuff' like that and risking someone else reading it!Oh well, I guess I didn't.lol

Also found some spiritual stuff.Like all my old notebooks from past assemblies, meetings etc.Some badges, programs and the script of my very first talk!!At least I haven't changed in that respect;)And my old planner with all my 'year plans' that I mostly accomplished and oh yeah..complete with 'special' dates marked (ie.date of appointment as MS,PT's..).Can't believe I was that 'head over heels'!lol

Well, I definitely did enjoy my 'time travel'.A nice eye-opener and I did have to 'congratulate' myself for getting over all those issues!:D Sometimes to see is to believe-you really have to 'see' what you were to appreciate how you've changed or maybe realize how you haven't.In fact, I better get myself a 'safer' box of secrets-one with a lock and key perhaps.Don't want anyone getting their hands on my 'dark secrets'!lol Some memories are better kept in a box. ^_^

h-A-p-i-N-e-Ss

Happiness is a state of mind.If you think you're happy, you will be.That's my motto when and probably why lots think i live a blissful, carefree life.(if only they knew!lol) Does this make mea pretender??hmm..i do have great 'talent in that field but it's very selective;) I don't pretend to be happy when i'm not, i think i simply make myself happy!Like Peter Pan-think happy thoughts and you can fly!!Sounds silly but can be very true.Happy thoughts get you so far, it's as good as flying high above the clouds.I sometimes wonder if I'm normal that too simple stuff make me so happy-rain, sun,clouds,the moon....almost everything in fact!.Am I normal?or AB normal?lol Not that I care- I accept that I'm 'weird':D

Happiness doesn't really have to be for some special reason.You don't have to be happy just because you got a raise,passed an exam or accomplished something.Those are too seldom for our happiness to depend on!If you can't think of any reason when you wake up to be happy, try looking out the window and be happy that you got to see the sun for one more day.Or try watching the clouds endlessly change shape and be happy you've got eyes to see that:)Just try to appreciate every single thing around you, no matter how 'normal' it seems.(I find the soapy bubbles in water mm...nice:).If you really try to 'open your eyes' your world won't seem so boring anymore and you'll learn to find happiness everywhere!

If you really really do have ample reason not to be happy then just think real hard.Would your frown change anything?Nope.So why bother??It so much easier to smile!Ok,ok, I'm making it sound too simple..What i do when the world seems to be falling on me is think,think and think.Is it really worth the worry?How big is your 'issue' anyway?You'll probably find you're making a fuss of something rather minor.And if it's really big?Mmm..then think about something worse, something that hasn't happened to you and be happy you're not that bad:) Then think of the millions of reasons you have to be happy, they'll bypass your reasons for sadness so far that you'll forget what you were worrying about in the first place!:)

My final tip:when you wake up, smile and say to yourself "today is my happy day!"I promise-you'll smile your day away *_*

Gamble

Falling in love is great!We all know that.;) the daydreaming,smile you can't take off your face-everything simply 'perfect'.I think falling in love is sometimes more of a gamble, you've got 'chips' on your side but you always have the risk of loosing(ie.getting hurt or simply defeated by someone else).Often than not, people take this risk-use the 'cards' they have as best they can,and hope for the best.Others start out fine but time comes when they aren't willing to continue the game, aren't willing to risk loosing all they have or to bet higher, so they give up-let someone else win and walk away with whatever they have left,probably including regrets and 'should have's' thinking it was better than getting hurt and facing defeat.Still others play the game, do what they possibly can but end up loosing to someone else:( They walk away with heads low and hearts broken.And of course there are the 'winners', they might have not had the best cards, might not even have had the highest bet but they somehow played the game right.They didn't give up or walk away, weren't scared to take risks, were ready to face defeat and remained positive through it all.

So which player was the best?The looser,the one who surrendered or the fighter?You'd might say "the 'fighter' of course."Well, he did win in the end But he also could easily have been the looser with just one move.In another time, or place he easily could have lost.How about the one who gave up? Yes, he did save himself the heart-break but who knows, if he continued the game, he might have won.If only he was willing to take the risk. The looser?He did everything he could, didn't give up but just happened to loose.He walked away with a heart-break but also a lot of lessons.If given the chance to play again, he'd probably know what to do and probably would play a better game this time:)

Nobody can play a 'perfect game' of love.Nobody can assure their victory and nobody can condemn themselves to heartbreak.Sometimes the most unlikely people turn out 'winner the least expected 'losers'.My point?Some things are simply out of your hands,there is only so much you can do,so much risks you can take. so weather you end up being the 'looser', 'winner' or 'surrender er'-just remember it's a gamble.You can always 'deal' again and play a better game.Just keep yourself together,hold your head up high,stitch your heart if it gets broken and PLAY!!<*_*>

(btw:I'm not a gambler ok?never played the game, this is a mere illustration.lol)

Get it???

I had a very interesting conversation with my seatmate here some time back about lovey dovy stuff again.(He started it!)After sharing his life's love experiences, there's one thing I noticed-how long it took for him to realize or to finally accept that a girl he likes actually likes him too!It got me wondering if all guys are like that??so 'blind', unassuming??hmmm...well, i just had to ask him what kind of things would give him reason to think a girl likes him.What it would take for him to 'get it'?The list was sometimes like this:(provided you have some idea that she doesn't act this way to everyone)

>she replies to all/most of his text messages

>she accepts invitations to go to places

>she does stuff he asks her to do

>she texts/calls

>she tells him personal things

>she shows she cares somehow

>she gives some hints of 'jealousy'

Now here's the weird part, even if all the above are 'check' he says he still doesn't assume anything!!Cummon guys! what else can a girl do?? Ok, I'm a girl right?(yes, I've finally decided:D) Believe me, if did even a couple of the above to someone, I at least like you-even a bit.And if I completed the list???Hellooo??I definitely like you!So what's with the "she probably thinks of me as a friend" or "It's normal I guess, nothing special" mentality guys have??

His answer?It all boils down to fear.Of what?Rejection.The "how about if I'm wrong?" thinking.It seems guys really, really can't take rejection and wouldn't dare make any more 'moves' unless they were absolutely sure.Don't ask me how they'd know that aside from the 'list'- I dunno!

But guys,you really have to be a little assuming sometimes! I wouldn't even call it assuming.It's more like 'reading between the lines'.Of course it would depend on the girl coz there are girls who are so friendly with everyone, have a lot of guy friends, are caring etc so it'd be kinda hard to tell the difference in her treatment.Then there are girls who aren't close at all with any guy, aren't caring or friendly by nature,i think these are 'easy';)Mmmm..maybe guys have to study the girl a little first.So they'd know when what she's doing isn't 'normal' anymore.Or maybe girls have to make the 'message between the lines' easier to read??

I DUNNO...I HONESTLY DUNNO

He Doesn’t Serve God !!

I'd like to tell you a story, about true love
It's very informative and has an interesting cast.
So pay close attention, it's sad but true,
And don't ever think this can't happen to you.
I met him during lunch break on a sunny day,
He sat next to me and smiled, as I was about to pray.
We talked on and on. He was such a gentleman.
I wished that this moment would never end.
Ah, but then it came to be the end of my lunch hour.
I tell you when he stood up, he looked just like a tower!
We met again and again. Our souls began to cling.
I pondered in my mind, "Is this the REAL thing?"
He doesn't smoke or drink, or gamble away his money.
He don't do drugs or things like that and he's nobody's "honey".
Let's face it, he's fine and he's really got a great "bod".
The only thing that's missing is he doesn't serve God.
I'll just give him a chance, he'll change in time.
I won't mind being "his", if he'd like to be "mine".
My friends tried to warn me. I didn't listen or care.
Little did I know my life would be one of despair.
The wedding was fine. The judge married us in the fall.
You see, I couldn't have a wedding in a Kingdom Hall
My dad, no, he didn't give me away.
With the pain in his heart, he didn't have much to say.
Mom, listen to me, please don't cry and whine.
Don't worry about us, we'll be just fine.
I've got a good man and he has a good job.
The only thing is, he doesn't serve God.



Everything is going fine, but recently at night.
When it's time for the meeting, we just fuss and fight.
He says, "Who's this God, breaking us apart
Don’t go tonight dear, please follow your heart.”
So I listen and stay, to keep peace at home.
But now oftentimes, I feel so all-alone.
I don't associate with the friends much at all,
To keep peace at home, I don't go to the Hall.
Service and Meetings, all that's history.
Today, I decorated my first Holiday Tree.
The holiday celebrations are now part of my life.
You see, I must obey my husband, for I am his wife.
The brothers would call. I wouldn't answer the door.
I don't read the magazines. Reading is such a bore.
Marrying out of the Truth, it really sets you "free".
"Free" from Jehovah's love that once was in me.
I just got the news! I'm having a "little one"!
I can hardly wait to tell my dear "Hon".
He was in a bad mood. He lost his job that day.
He told me as he hit me, "That's just one more bill to pay!"
Then he apologized, "I'm sorry, please forgive me Dear"
You see, I've heard those words more often than I'd like to hear.
I have two jobs now. I must support my household.
My husband says he'll find work, but now that's getting old.
I'm tired. I'm stressed. I'm feeling very strange.
My schedule at both jobs, I'll have to rearrange.
I should be very happy, the baby is due any day.
Things just have to get better, somehow, some way.
I 'm married to this man, for better or for worse.
The only problem is, he doesn't put Jehovah first.
The baby came today, she's so little and so light.
She's not crying or making noise, something's just not right.


"What could be wrong?" I thought aloud as I lay in bed.
In came the doctor looking sad, and then he shook his head.
"Mrs. Unbeliever," he said, "there's something I must confess."
You and the baby tested positive to the new HIV test.
I started crying. I couldn't believe the words the doctor said.
To know that in a very short time, my child and I'd be dead!
Listen to me! All of you! I'm telling you to your face!
To marry an Unbeliever, is a TOTAL DISGRACE,
To Jehovah, our loving father, who provides for his sheep.
That's why he sets the guidelines for us to hold and keep.
Wait on Jehovah. In his due time He'll set things straight.
Be patient, and He'll give you a Theocratic mate.
One who loves Jehovah and you know that he'll do right.
One who'll be there with you when it comes to "Meeting" night.
An unbeliever has nothing to offer - really nothing at all
But unhappiness, sadness, sorrow, and a very serious fall.
So be wise my Sisters, and please don't try to rush things.
Wait patiently on Jehovah, and accept the blessings he brings.
Don't look to worldly men as mates, at your job or at the Mall.
REMEMBER! Brothers that serve Jehovah are at the Kingdom Hall.

-Author Unknown-

THURSDAYS

I love Thursdays!! Maybe even more than SUndays..mm..no wait-i guess they're equal.It's amazing how midweek meetings are like an oasis after a long journey in the desert.Being in the world from Monday to Wednesday does take its toll-whether you're aware of it or not,you somehow have been 'contaminated' in one way or another.

I entered the KH today with a lot on my mind (me and my thinking sessions again..lol) but everything suddenly seemed to disappear the moment I entered
the KH! I couldn't help but smile.Seeing a lot still in their work uniforms, obviously tired from a day's work, probably with bigger problems than mine but
still wearing their wide smiles.Kids tired from all their school work still sitting quietly with their mums and dads waiting for the meetings to start, singing
along with the kingdom melodies.Then there's the deaf-bearing all the ridicule they get from their classmates and threats from teachers and happily conversing outside the Hall.Our 'poor' elders and MS faithfully giving their parts-you can really see how physically tired they all are but they still walk up that stage over and over again and give their best!(sometimes even losing their voices onstage out of pure fatigue:( Their effort sometimes makes me wish I was a guy, just so they could sit and listen without going on stage for once!

It just made me think:I've been sleeping(trying to) whole..ok mm..half of the day.Am not tired from any job, no projects, deadlines etc on my mind.No persecution or threats from anyone.No major parts to deliver, and here I am feeling like I'm carrying the worlds' problems!In fact my so-called 'problems' are probably mere concerns brought about my thinking too much-nothing compared to what others are facing."WAKE UP EMILY!WHAT ARE YOU FROWNING ABOUT?TRY AND MAKE YOURSELF USEFUL-PUT ON THAT SMILE AND FIND SOMEONE TO ENCOURAGE!!"

Thursdays are my time to put things in perspective, get the dose of encouragement I need to cope with the remaining days and realize what a wonderful spiritual paradise we have.^_^

The sweetest thing

I think I've already mentioned that despite how hmm...'hard' and unemotional i might seem, I actually do have a sweet part of me.Promise!You wanna know how sweet?Well, here are some things I've done for people-not necessarily guys ok?;)Most are things I've given people...(not every single thing, just the ones I consider the sweetest;)

>a watch, wrapped up with a note inside

>a notebook with a cute quote inside

>key chain with a name and text engraved

>polo,necktie,vest etc..lol

>a box of brownies with a card inside

>delivered ice cream to their door

>pair of earrings

>dress-grad gift

>sent electronic cards (lots)

>wrote little notes (I guess i express myself better in paper...)

Hmmmm....Can't really think of anything else right now.Don't worry, I'm gonna add to that list to include the corniest things you can imagine!lol.One thing's for sure "there is more happiness in giving then in receiving."The simple smile or thank you that you receive is worth more than money can buy!:) Giving stuff is kind of my way to say things that would be mm..too corny? uneasy to say.It somehow like engraving yourselves on peoples' minds.:)

On the other hand, I've promised myself to be more careful with my 'gift-giving' sprees(with the opposite sex i mean) .why?Let's put it this way: if you don't
have a 'right' to-better not."Right"-some kind of valid reason to give someone, good enough for you to accept the fact that it'll make them feel special ie. relationship stage.Why?It's too hard to explain(or maybe I prefer not to)lol.Just take it from me ok?Yep, "Action speaks louder than words".Only make sure you're saying the right things with your actions coz actions have some
consequences that words may not:D

I'ts complicated

Our issue for the night with my office mates was about the 'it's complicated' thing.(i duuno how we came to that-love must be in the air..lol) What exactly to people mean by that?Yes, there may be very many complications in a relationship but I'm talking about when they put it as their 'status'? There's single-no connections, 'in a relationship'-has commitment, 'engaged'-very serious relationship,going to get married and "married"-lifetime commitment. Where does the 'it's complicated"come in?Maybe they're not sure where they stand (in that case, why not put 'single' as a status!)I think sometimes it's all about not being able to say 'you're in a relationship' for whatever reasons-people would be against it, you don't want everyone's eyes on you etc-but also not wanting to be 'available'. Solution? Say it's complicated,this way people won't easily 'try' anything and you'd be somewhat honest-admitting you have something going on. But doesn't saying things are 'complicated' just give raise to more suspicion?Maybe some people simply want to make 'issues', give people reason to contact them, they probably enjoy the attention.In my opinion, if you have 'it's complicated' as a status-you're very indecisive (no offense).Anyway, I'm not Billy Gates to have all the social networking sites erase that status option am I?lol But I can promise you, I'll never ever have that as my status! If i do, you can lock me up if you like..:D

Fight for love?

It's common for people to say you have to fight for love.That if you really love someone you won't just let them go, you'll fight to have them stay.I think fighting for 'your' love makes more sense, doing everything you both can do to keep your love alive-still fighting.But as for the 'if you really love someone, you'd fight'?Nope.How about the song or is it quote "if you really love someone, you'd let them go and if they return, you'll know they're really yours".Makes more sense to me.If you truly love someone, you'd only want their happiness, even if it meant not being with you:( It's very selfish to 'fight' for someone who wants to leave. Think:would you be able to get over the fact that they wanted to leave?But how about letting someone 'slip out of your hands'?I think it depends.If you let them 'slip' because you feel they'd be happier without you,that's unselfish right?But who's to say they'd be happier without you??Them right? Or how about the famous 'i'm not good enough for him/her' line? Again, who says you're not good enough?!I think many have lost a good chance at love because of this 'low self-confidence' notion. True, they might be 'better', more mature, or whatever than you in some way, but that doesn't mean they need or even want someone of that caliber!Compatibility remember?So, please don't use that line anymore ok? ;) Never think someone's 'too good' for you unless THEY say so or somehow hint so.Why?You just might be walking away from someone who actually likes you and doesn't one bit think they're too good for you!-big loss:( I think many people over-estimate or 'idolize' people who in fact view themselves as 'normal', nothing special,It's others who label someone as 'too good'not that they think so much of themselves or anything.My point?It's not for you to say who's 'too good' for you;if they thought they were, it'd show (ie.they wouldn't like you in the first place). Conclusion:Don't fight for love, let go if you have to but make sure not to 'burn your own bridges'.xox

Childhood memories

Everybody has unforgettable childhood memories, it's nice to sometimes look back and reminisce those good times and laugh at some of the stupid things you did.I've been blessed with a wonderful childhood, full of adventure.I'm getting very forgetful lately, in fear that I might wake up one day with no memories of my past, I've decided to make a list of some things I did when I was a kid that I remember vividly.

>Our farm with no electricity.There were many trees, we had cows, goats and I think pigs( I'm talking about age 1-2 here).Then there was a rusty bus right in front of the house and a well on the right. Further down were banana trees and a stream.On the left I remember a guava tree that I used to climb.Inside the house we had I think two bedrooms, a kitchen, dining room and a bathroom.We all slept in the one room since the other one became my playroom (it had no roof yet)I remember playing alone then with my bro, probably because I was the only child during this time.What else do I recall??Snakes!! Papa always had to check the house when we returned from meetings with a torch to make sure it was 'safe'.Many times there was a snake in one of the rooms and we had to creep in and quickly enter our room and lock it.The snake was gone by morning. I think sometime in our stay at the farm, I ate a field mice roasted by one of our helpers-it was yummy like chicken:D. Then there was the long, long, dark scary road we had to pass before getting to the 'highway' (we were 20km away from the city)!

>Next, I remember our other house (where first bro was born). This was the time we were you could say 'rich'-Papa was a manager!. Dad was really fat (but fit) and our house had a rose garden and lots of mango trees in the backyard. We went to fine dining restaurants often (all company paid).This is also when i remember playing with my fafa in our lawn every time it rained!(my bro was too small to join us).Also had lots of Bethelites visit us often-my parents close friends.

>Then moved again to the city.I'm grade two or so by now.That's were my green and yellow uniform comes in.(soo green even my socks!lol).I was very timid, the smallest in the class, often picked on (not many memories here)....hmm..oh there was the sneaking out of the window to play during nap time..hahaha.(we never got caught;).and the climbing the mango tree to get to the neighbors house! Then the racing to the end of the street, playing hide and seek in empty lots, throwing baloons filled with water at each other.Making sure to get be clean and in doors by 5:00 (cartoons time).

>Then another move to a little bit farm area..I like this part;) I become the teachers' pet, 'smartest' in the class..hahaha.Walked to school every day (a 30 min walk-no transport) on a dusty road but with trees and nature all around.Always had snakes cross by in front of me!I never ever played or owned a barbie and didn't have many girl friends. My buddies were my bros and the neighbors kids (all boys), me being the only girl( I didn't think I was a girl though..lol) We used to play soccer with our home-made balls bare feet off course ( our yard was sooo big!!) Stealing mangoes from trees was a fav pastime too. Then there was going 'hunting'(still barefooted) in the tall grass outside our yard (looking for 'Blacky'-our pitch black cat who always wondered around).Only the 'big' ones were allowed ie.me, my bro and eldest neighbor(my age mate), the rest stayed at home playing 'kids' games.lol We got really far with our 'hunts' but never feared getting lost.:) It's also this time I got my first,no it was my second love letter!lol from?My age mate, bestfriend neighbor! I was a very late bloomer you see, never thought of 'boyfriends','crushes' even if I was around grade 6 or 7!Anyways, that destroyed our friendship-I mean how could he ask me to be his girlfriend??We were buddies ie. I was a boy.lol.This is one of my greatest regrets, not mending our friendship/relationship before we left for the Phils:(( If I could turn back time, this is what I'd change for sure!!


Well, so much for my time travel.At least I can safely say I had my full share of a happy childhood.Did you??.^_^

Sweet Vs. Corny

Here are some sweet/corny (depending on how you look at it) things people have done:

>"...I pulled out a dollar and wrote in big block letters “SMILE” and laminated it. I drove up to his job and placed it on his truck.."

>"...I drove over to his work and put Hershey kisses all over his car!.."

>"..He had cut out 21 hearts- 20 each said "5%" on one side and on the other, reasons why he loved me such as "your smile." The biggest heart hanging at the entrance to my room said "22%" (my favorite number) and "I love you for being you..."

>"...I wrote my absolute love of my life a really sweet poem all about the things we have done this year...and read it to her..."

>"...I pulled forth a dozen white roses with a single red rose in the middle of the bunch. Attached to the red rose I had note saying "Thank you so much for 'standing-out' in my life...."

Ok.Ok. Enough of that!Well, would you categorize those as sweet or corny?I really believe in "the cornier, the sweeter", my bro says "the cornier, the more sincere".Why? It takes a lot of guts, premeditation, planning, effort...to pull any of those 'surprises'.All the effort etc put into it could only spell one thing-LOVE.You surely wouldn't go that far for just anybody! It just shows how special you think they are.Yeah, it might sound corny, very corny but for the one on the receiving end-.."it was the sweetest thing anyone had done for me..", that's how all the above stories ended.Lesson?Some things only sound corny, but are really very sweet.Not that I'm an expert on the matter but looking back, I've actually done some things that only now have realized were actually sweet!lol.So, I do have a sweet, gentle side after all;)...*_*