Learning To Trust

There are many things I've learned in life. But it seems on the process of learning these things, I've also UNLEARNED some things as well. One of these is how to TRUST. I just can't seem to bring myself to believing that not Everybody out there is bent on 'hurting' me. Not everybody is 'pretending'. That some people really are SINCERE and deserve to be trusted.

What has made me this way? My heart is like walled up with all kinds of high security-it wont let anything in anyhow. My mind has become overly protective of my heart.Whatever actions it sees,no matter how 'touched' my heart may be, my mind doesn't allow it. Like saying "don't be fooled..don't feel anything..you remember the pain, you don't want to go there again.."

What's the solution? My mind must be convinced that this person can be trusted. I must have no doubts whatsoever before I decide to trust. The problem is this is quite impossible. It always has to be a gamble. You always Have to be willing to loose.


I dunno, i really dunno what do do about this trust problem. I'm trying, really trying to TRUST but I'm not there yet. No matter how many reasons I already should have for trusting. No matter what people say-I can't force myself to TRUST YET.....

I must try and convince my mind to lower it's self defense. I must try and allow my heart to feel...I MUST LEARN TO TRUST!!

Because if I can't trust, How can I love??

Loss

We all know we're living in the last days. We know tragedy is part of these times. We know we aren't exempted from sickness and death. But the fact is, this 'knowing' doesn't mean we are READY for whatever unforeseen occurance that may befall us. It's not a matter of being 'strong' or being 'mature' but simply being human.

I just can't seem to get over the sad news of the passing away of a friends' father. I was ill when my bro told me and all I could do was hide under the sheets and let the tears fall. All I could think about was how I would feel if ever that happened: The pain, disbelief and shock just dawned on me.

Fathers and daughters share a special bond nobody may ever understand. The truth is I still don't know how I would react if ever anything happened to my father. These tragedies aren't things you can be ready yourself for. They just happen without warning. There is no PLANNING for them coz they come at a time we least expect.

If there is anything positive tragedy can teach us it's that the new world is at hand! The more trials we face, the closer we are to our eternal relief. Still, being able to live without someone we hold so dear to us in these hard times may be a very big challenge. This feeling of loss is something we may empathize with but never really understand until we face a similar loss.

There is no planning for these situations. Nobody wants to keep 'negative thoughts ' of loosing people they love in their minds. But the lesson I keep teaching myself is that we can PREPARE ourselves for whatever losses befall us in this world.

We CAN use each day to bring praise to Jehovah. We CAN draw closer to our heavenly father. We CAN build our faith. We CAN keep busy in the Lord's work. We CAN show we are keenly waiting on Jehovah.

This way, if WE loose OUR lives unexpectedly in this world, we will have 'Stored up treasures' in the heavens and made ourselves 'rich toward God'. We will be safe in Jehovah's memory.

And if we suffer the LOSS of a loved one, we will have stored enough strength, built enough faith and developed a close relationship with Jah that WE WILL BE ABLE TO ENDURE...

After all, what's 70 or 80 years of suffering when compared to EVERLASTING HAPPINESS??NOTHING....

For now, I'll just keep telling myself:..."just a little while longer...just a little while longer....just a little while longer..."

In my eyes

I see the ripple made by a raindrop on a puddle of water-I smile..I see some ordinary wild flower along the path-I smile. The way the sky seems to meet the ocean, the pure beauty of having green all around me-everything nature has to offer just leaves me in awe.

People who've known me for a time have really tried to figure out why I'm this way..Am I acting up or trying to get people's attention? THIS IS JUST HOW I AM..I'm going to explain why:

These sights may seem so normal and ordinary to many but when I take a close look at them, I see something else. All these scenes give me a vision of the future. I lone wild flower helps me see myself in a world surrounded by flowers of so many shades. Being in a place where green grass surrounds me with the ocean as a backdrop helps me see myself in a time when this won't be anything new..The peaceful, calm effect creation gives reminds me of how trouble-free we will be.

I pay attention to everything around me because it's my way of visualizing how things will be in paradise. Giving myself a taste of the 'real life' by treasuring every moment I spend around nature helps me 'keep my eyes on the prize'. It reminds me that the concrete I'm used to seeing in the city isn't what JH intended for us. That sometime soon, I won't have to travel far to get a taste of nature..

Not only do I think of the future when I'm in one of my 'escapades' but I learn more about JH...For me, the rock at Talikud island was Jehovah saying "Emily, I am your refuge...I am always here"...the crystal clear water said " I love you so much that I made this just for you to enjoy"...the green pastures in Samal said "Just hold on a while, I'll make the whole world as pretty as this" and the wild flowers said "I'll show you all the flowers I created if you stay faithful"..

So there you have it, If you're wondering why I suddenly seem to become reserved and suddenly give a 'woow' or 'look at that...' this is what's going on in my mind. I simply can't help it..

How about when the whole world is a paradise??Well, then I'll keep myself in Awe Indefinitely...^_^

Now I know

I thought you simply were good with words online, that you'd never be able to do the things you said you would..NOW I KNOW, that you meant everything you said you'd do. That you aren't one of those who is just full of words.

I thought you were treating me like you do all the other girls..NOW I KNOW that I definitely am special to you and that you aren't afraid to show it.

I thought you wouldn't dare be cheezy in front of our friends..NOW I KNOW that you really don't care what others may think, that you are true to yourself.

I thought you would be just full of fun and games...NOW I KNOW that you have a serious side, that you know how to do 'grown up talk' and that you aren't just a joker.

I thought you'd be uncomfortable with me..NOW I KNOW that we really do get along and that you can be yourself with me.

I thought you took your ministry 'lightly', like a chance to relax..NOW I KNOW that you truly love the deaf and exert a lot of effort just to get the message across.

I thought I'd end up with the 'dominating' role like I usually do, that you'd join the list of guys who thought too much of me..who couldn't 'control' me..NOW I KNOW that I can look up to you. That I really am a 'girl' when compared to you.


I'm glad you proved me wrong on so many counts because knowing all this has given me a confidence I was always afraid to have...

Mentally Challenged

I don't know about you, but I just hate conversing with people who seem to be on a different wave length! You try your best 'smart ass' talks and they can't rebut. That's just lame and basically the fastest way for me to say 'nice chatting with you but no thanks'..LOL

No, I'm not saying I'm smart or anything (people think I am though..ehem2x) but I do love being witty. I love twisting words, using up all my reservoir of 'trash talk' and love 'winning' intellectual conversations. But what I love the most is 'loosing' to someone who really does deserve to win. I love 'geniuses' who have their way with words and leave me checking out the meaning of words just to be sure I don't make a fool of myself.

My brain doesn't get much stimulation from my work so I need to keep it active with these intellectual conversations. I guess that's the role some people (you know who you are) have. Believe me, that is a very good place to be in my life;). The world, or should i say MY WORLD wouldn't be the same without you guys so thanks for sharing your brains and giving me a reason to use mine. I know I can be lame at times but hey, nobody was born with an IQ like yours so cut me some slack:)

So here's to all those who are able to tune into my wave length...>LOVE YOU GUYZ<

Working against your mind

We sometimes like to think that nobody knows what's going on, like we are so mysterious that nobody will figure out how we really feel. The thing is, this usually backfires. The more you try to hide, the more you show what you are. The more you put on that 'i'm ok' pretense, the more people start thinking there must be something wrong.

It's like our minds somehow make up for this desire to be secretive in ways we may not notice. From the way you react to inquiries to the outlook you seem to develop in some matters-your mind finds an outlet! There's no escape.

The fact is, hiding, being secretive or simply keeping things to ourselves is somehow against our human nature. We need to have someone or somewhere to let out your rants and raves. We need someone to know what is happening. WE CAN'T LIVE IN OUR SHELL AND EXPECT THE WORLD TO GO ON, NOT NOTICING.

Our emotions can be likened to a bottle of soda. When you shake it, no matter how tight you try and hold the contents in,it finds a way out. Bottom line is, in one way or another, we are hardwired to be social.

Is it wrong then to keep things to yourself and carry the world on your shoulder? Wrong? No but is it Healthy emotionally and psychologically- Definitely not! You will only find yourself working against your nature.

Lesson: Don't try to bottle up your feelings too much or you'll be fighting a battle you can't win

Proverbs are coping mechanisms

We are hardwired to be optimists, constantly rationalizing our decisions to make ourselves feel better about our situation. Our brains don’t like being wrong, we find ways to convince ourselves that the choice we made is the right one. At its core, a proverb is a survival tactic. These expressions keep us going.

But here’s the thing: proverbs are often contradictory.


To illustrate this phenomena, let's run through some contradictory pairings.


Look before you leap.
He who hesitates is lost.


Don’t judge a book by its cover.
What you see is what you get.


Better safe than sorry.
Nothing ventured, nothing gained.


There’s no place like home.
The grass is always greener on the other side.


Sometimes, the proverb that you cite in a particular situation doesn't reveal what is happening, but rather, what you want to believe is happening. It is a coping mechanism.

CONTRIBUTED BY GLENUX