SImply being me

Is there anything as giving too much of yourself to the world?Like there comes a point when you feel like you've got nothing left to give,you're tired of being the 'hero', tired of being the one who cares, tired of the one who everyone leans on.You wish that for once, you'd be the one on the receiving end, you'll be the one who needs a 'hero' and you'd get to lean on someone.It's not that nobody cares,- off course they do, maybe it's because everyone thinks there's no need to show it or maybe they don't know how.I really can't blame anyone for that-it's just the impression everyone gets-that I'm the girl who knows 'exactly' what to say and do, doesn't need anybody's advice, can take care of herself,can solve her own problems and has her life all planned out.Well,I can't deny most of those but just because I seem to have everything together doesn't mean I don't need anyone, that nobody needs to care or that I don't need a shoulder to lean on right?

Thing is if I seem to 'have everything together' how are you supposed to know when I need a 'tap on the shoulder'??hmm...does there really have to be a real reason to? You could just care randomly right?Coz there's no way I'm gonna act sad, down and helpless just to get people's attention!!That's sooo over the edge!ewwwwwwww......Or do you expect me to go:"hey guyz, I'm feeling kinda down right now, please encourage me"?Actually tried something like that but got a 'you know what to do' answer when I honestly DIDN'T!I really don't get why people think I'm so 'knowledgeable'?

Sometimes, I just need a little appreciation, someone to tell me 'it's all right' or 'you can do it'.Someone to text/call not to ask any favors but simply to ask how you are.Or to be looked for/missed when you're not around.Not always to be the comforter,encourager,one being asked favors.Makes me sometimes 'envious' of those with 'weaker' personalities-everyone cares for them,everyone's always ready to encourage them, give them a hand.But that also makes them sensitive, 'fragile so no thanks-don't want their life!:D

One of my silly 'master sometimes is 'disappearing' from the world for a day or two.Disappear?Not texting, calling etc anyone, not making any arrangements with anyone (dramatic huh?lol) just to see if anybody would ask if I'm ok or if anybody would notice I'm 'gone'.Unfortunately though, I end up missing them first and decide to 'reappear'!lol.Then there are times I wish I could literally 'disappear'.Purpose?Just for the world to miss me, to realize all I did for them so when I return they'd 'value' me more somehow.

so?What to do?Maybe I should stop 'giving too much' of myself to the world?The less you give,the less you expect to receive right?But nope, wouldn't work-giving,helping,encouraging etc makes me happy!Besides, my 'self-pity' feelings are really seldom.And off course I know JH sees and cares-that's more important than anything any human can show.Good thing I'm also very 'self-sustaining'-so when I don't receive the 'things' I need from anyone, I give them to myself:D So don't worry, until the world 'learns' or 'realizes' how to care or until someone comes along who does-Me, Myself and I are always there and know exactly what to do ;)

Last words: "it's not easy to be me" but you have to admit, the world wouldn't be the same without me;) so I'll have to continue to be me for the world :|


*end of emo post*